Dreadful comeback

I am a yogin, an ashtangi, at that. I need to be reminded that whatever it is that I am going through is part and parcel of my entire yogic practice. I need to recognize the fact that my joy and peace aren't rooted from my job and from the people I encounter everyday. I can always find it within me. No one has the capacity to make things work for me without my permission.

My  break is almost over and I honestly can say that this is the first time that I dread going back to work at the University. I feel I don't anymore belong to the system. I wonder why everything became dreary. Is it just because of my hormones or is the universe really leading me somewhere better than where I am?

I need to be in a place where the energy is smooth, I am tired of the travel. The pollution is killing me. People's pretenses are very overwhelming.

I love my students but dear Universe, please let me love myself too.

Om,

Bending but not breaking

Despite life's odds, I wont break.I will simply bend.

So here i am again after being away for awhile. Life has been good, not to mention, challenging the past weeks.

I had to go home to check on my sister as well as my folks during the holy week. I am grateful until now to my brother for giving me the tickets. You know how tight my budget is as i dont have remuneration during summer. 

I am worried, yes, since I know my family is affected by what my sister is going through. I had a conflict with my father because it seemed to me that he's  not doing enough and that he would not even manage to humbly accept points from others. I know I should have been more tolerant as he's old and sick but this is supposed to be a family affair. 

My lovely sister

Anyway, my sister, I know will get over this state of being fixated to someone.. I don't know when or how. But she will. 

I'd like to salute my mom for being so strong. My heart is moved seeing her suffer but not defeated. I want to make her happier. 

I am back in my own abode- alone and humbled. There is the universe that always conspires. In its own space and time, things will be alright. 

with my beautiful mom

                              

                                         My heart is lifted. I am bent but never broken. 

                                                          Namaste!

Daily Examen 1

It's a Sunday.I am entering the most crucial week as my period is gonna be visiting me soon. My night dreams were good. What with the famous artists participating in my dreamworld.Funny and cute as it may sound, I was totally in a relationship with Jong Hilario.(In my dreams of course!) The whole time, we were in love. However, as the dawn came to a close,I was faced with the images of snakes.A huge snake was held by someone upclose.I was very scared.There were vague images of other snakes too. My consciousness told me something's not alright.Betrayal, maybe.I remember what my mom said before.I stood up and bit a part of my door.Ahhh, I didnt know what I was thinking.I could only say my prayer of surrender after that.


I set the alarm at six a.m. but I still lingered in bed as I felt that my upper back was stiff and painful at the same time.I had it from my intense yoga practice.It's expected though.Breakfast was healthy.I had fried fish and vegetable salad.


I was contemplating on what to wear to church.I ended up changing outfits thrice.This is really me at times specially if the weather is unpredictable.Anyway, i decided finally to simply wear my Guess blue shirt and jeans with my 2 inch heels.


The eleven fifteen mass has started so i went directly to the adoration chapel and read some pages of my Reiki book. Believe it or not, I bought this book eleven years ago.I have read it several times but it was only today that I found it interesting and helpful.I guess Im ready to be healed and heal. The mass was alright.I did a little act of kindness by offering the seat next to me to a woman.It felt good being thanked sincerely.


I didnt know what to have for lunch.I was attracted to eat pizza so I bought 2 slices and went to the computer shop to have a document printed. The pizza I ate really made my stomach uncomfortable.What's worst was the korean food I ordered for the first time. I wanted to forget that dish.I went home feeling tired.I rested and watched my favorite TV shows. I was inspired by the Miss Universe third runner up.She's a woman with conviction.A very smart one too.


I started to feel annoyed while having classes. I was conscious of my moods so I apologized to my two students. There's no better way to end the week than being humble.


Things are alright.My mood doesn't really waver much.My heart is peaceful. I was able to control useless thoughts.I talk to God literally at times. I have no one here but HIM, obviously.


I am hoping to write again.I want to focus.This heart wants to remain faithful.This heart desires to be more forgiving.This self longs to be better.


I thank my GOD. I thank the UNIVERSE.


Namaste!

On a thursday morning

I woke up with a clogged nose and a heavy head.My body is very susceptible to all the major illnesses all around this month.Because of this, I tend to linger in bed or get myself lazy.My mind at this juncture is incapable of thinking wholly about good thoughts. There is always that feeling of low self esteem, insecurity, jealousy, annoyance, withdrawal and what have you.They, of course, come in episodes. I dislike it but there is nothing I can do but deal with these stuff. I am fully aware of my vulnerability.I knew from the start this will come.


I want to make a change in the way i deal with my life. It's not that mine is a bad one at present.It's just that I want to find more space for my writing.It's not a piece of cake trying to shift gear though because there are things to be considered.I fend for myself and I help my family too. The idea of having a break from my workload and just  go on a secluded place and write and meditate haunts me. I try pushing them away from my mind because i dont want to be enveloped by this desire. I need to be practical this time.


Living alone has its ups and downs. Generally, I love the fact that I have become very independent. What with me cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, paying bills and all.There is always that sense of joy knowing I am able to take care of myself. I have been doing this for the last 6 or so years. My dad praised me even for my  being strong willed.


The donwside of being left on my own is not many but when it is time to whine it becomes infinite.At this juncture, I am needing someone to hug me, to cook for me and to comfort me.It's funny knowing I am pushing away those that want to marry me. I dont know what crap  is in my brain  until now that i   am not yet able to accept any man for me to settle down with.I just feel perhaps I am way complete without them by my side. I know there will be raised eyebrows for this argument.


Yes, I am whiny now.Because I am still a bit physically fallible.Today is the Thursday and I dont really know what to to do with my writing.I need to declog.I guess the mat would help me out.A few om's will eventually make the universe bless me with good health and wisdom.


I have written a lot.Now, i need some grub.I am hoping I will write something lighter later.It is not cool to be sick but hey, it's gonna be alright soon.


Namaste!

Sweet Practice Today

I have been nursing a painful stomach for two days now.I didnt know how it all started again but my usual hyperacidity has been taking its toll on me.I was practically tired but I had no  choice but move.I made a vow not to get paralyzed by whatever negativity there is around and within me.My bedtime prayer last night was a whine telling my MAKER i was tired and i was asking him to tell me what to do about my condition.


I woke up feeling nauseated still and had to cancel two of my classes.I just went doing some chores after eating papaya. A hot energy choco malt drink helped ease my fatigue.My mat was calling me so after cleaning my space,i did my practice at the first floor.I was surprised to know i was able to complete the entire series despite my condition.I was sweating the whole time.My space was entirely hot.My breathing at first was labored.Obviously within me, I was not alright.The whole practice ended with me doing my savasana and just hugging my knees after.I could only say Thank You Lord after that.


I was all the more surprised to see that i was sweating BIG TIME.My shirt was all wet and I looked like I was swimming for hours.A great shower followed.What happeened after that was classic. I was up and about.TRUE!


Toxins were released and I was grateful for that.I just relearned something today.


Someone has been guarding me all throughout.He knows what He is about.He led me to practice today.I didnt even know i could make it.

Here's another favorite prayer of mine.Today I'd like to tell HIM this.

LORD, you know all things.You do all things and You love me very much. Thank you.

OM.