Sunday, November 21, 2010

Life all along

I am so grateful for the gift that i am getting each day.There is nothing more profound than being able to say my gratitude to the Source of everything.The gift of life that flows into me each moment is a reminder of His constant outpouring of tremendous opportunities for me to become more of what I am.

My attending the one hour meditation class every saturday is a response to that invitation of being attuned to myself deep within.It is not that easy, of course.The moment I step into that ZEN..I am feeling so uncomfortable knowing I am going to confront all the thoughts that I have and then let them go.As my teacher is always telling us,it is indeed so nice to linger into each thought until we become so caught up with it that it consumes our entire system and then confusions set in. My breathing each moment is a gift and i am relearning to acknowledge it day by day.I am valuing silence more than I had valued it before.I am reopening the channels of my self and discover how wounded i am and that there are still facets within me that need to detach from things and persons that no longer serve their purpose.I am taking each day with the help of that Powerful force that carries me through my journey I am getting kinder to myself and I am becoming more honest about my feelings and thoughts.I am writing again in my own private notebook and my prayer journal has revealed a lot of beautiful aspirations that I want to tell my GOD.I am so grateful for the Grace that I am getting each day.My worries are not worries anymore but blessings in disguise.I am relearning to approach all my thoughts in a non violent and non coercive way.I am gentler in handling each strand of images that enter my sytem.All i need is to take deep breathings and then let them go. Of course, this is never easy.Each day is different and it brings varied manifestations of my being but because i am more accepting of the things that will happen moment by moment, I am more detached from all expectations that are for me crazy anxieties.(this is pretty tough). I am again grateful I am alive and experience moments of marvelous revelations about ME.This helps me in my dealing with the whole world which I am an important entity.

I am wanting to attract good energies and so I decide once again to refrain from all those negative influences.I dont want to be manipulated by so called friends but not.It is hard to be seemingly insensitive to their clamor for attention but I guess I am making my point clear.I've had enough giving of what I have that I almost lost myself in the process.I need to give back what I have lost..MY SELF!

I am wanting to attune myself to all that is good and classic.Music and books and good people.It's not that I am way judging individuals but I really have to make a choice of what and who to entertain because there is no use letting people eat me up by bombarding me with their classic stories of depression, anxieties and the like.Each has a choice to change.I cant make that choice for them.For the longest time, I have been a pillar to them but hey, there is always that limit to our being shock absorbers.A real friend does not consume but energizes. I want to be a real friend to myself again and not to sound like a pathetic consoler who ends up sobbing and hurting after hearing someone's pathetic vicious life cycle.They also need to grow up.

Because I made this decision, I am going to become better as ME and I want to be more human to all those that I am with.I bet this isnt easy but come to think of is one heck of a journey each day and that is why I am backpacking every single moment until i reach that peak of total BLISS!