Sunday, May 23, 2010

at the old spaghetti house

i was feeling so heavy due to the heat and my coming period.listening to my body, i knew i wanted so much time to rest...just to be alone again so i wont be as emotional as possible.i knew how devilish i could be everytime this woman thing enters the picture.It was a sunday and i decided not to let my bad hormones conquer the normalcy of least, i was still trying to be sensible.I went to church with dorothy.I did everything i could not to hurt her by my silence or mood swings ( whatever we call it).I silently prayed for patience because i knew how short tempered I could be at this time.I was glad I managed.

We went inside the old spaghetti house and ordered 2 platters of pasta, with beef, pizza, and all those good stuff.We were waiting for our food when suddenly dorothy asked me a question.It went this way."teacher, is it ok for you if i would have a boyfriend?" I was stunned by that query and I could not do anything at first but looked at her with an expression of like "where the hell did you get the idea of having a boyfriend crap ?" i kept my cool and asked her why she brought that question up.

It was a difficult moment for the both of us.I could see that she struggled for words to really explain what she had in mind.i knew she liked the guy whom she met a few weeks ago.I invited that young man at home to have lunch with us so they could get to know each other.she wanted to meet people her age and i didnt mind introducing her to them if i had the chance yet i sensed she's considering the idea of having someone close as early as this time.

I had to be a mother at that moment.I knew she liked the idea of having a foreign boyfriend but i told her it's too early for her to be in a relationship.she came to the philippines to learn more about everything.she has only met a single young man.they only talked for few hours or at least few days.i sensed she's so vulnerable.she's twenty and she has never considered having a korean boyfriend when she was still in her own country.

She had a hard time responding and she could not even look at me straight in the eye.I am always gentle and direct in telling people about how i feel and see things and her situation was no exemption.I had to remind her again of her purpose of coming to my country and having a romantic relationship was not one of them.It was not that i dislike the idea but she seemed to be swept away by the presence of her new found friend.I asked her why she seemed to be considering having a boyfriend this time.she told me she seemed to be not normal.almost all her friends are in a relationship and they always asked what's wrong with her."Why she could not have boyfriend?"

It sounded so stupid for me but i had to lead her back to who she really was for the almost two years that i've known her.she was way too mature in the way she looked at things and the way she perceived life.she was more drawn to helping the poor through charities but that afternoon, i saw a softer side of her.

I told her everything i had to tell her.I acted as her parent now and the only thing i could offer was for her to see the different facets of the issue.

1. She's a foreigner and has still to learn more the art of conversing with other people using the English language.Having a young boyfriend who also has the limitation of the language is a stupid thing for her to do this time.She needs to be more confident so she wont have a hard time expressing herself for her not to be misunderstood.This is for her not to fall into whatever foolishness people might think of doing to her.She listened attentively.

2. She's twenty but she acts like a teenager most of the time.I dont think she wants to simply have a boyfriend for the sake of having one.I know she wants something serious.In doing that, she needs to meet more people. She only met that cute guy. i dont even know him that much.

3.She has to consider the difficulties of a relationship that's long distance.She needs to find someone who's totally going to commit to this kind of thing too.It's too early.The young guy has other things in mind.He told me about his goals.

4. Her parents entrusted her to be here because they believe she could be trusted.therefore, she has to live with that trust.i dont want that she'll end up with a guy who has other vested interest in her other than loving her.I know she knows so much about the misfortunes experienced by young foreigners who aggressively ventured into relationships with the locales.i am not saying she would have the same fate.I just want her to take her time.

5. If she really wants this guy to be her boyfriend, for she told me she likes him, i think she needs to think twice.I will never tolerate it in the house.Not at this time.I have so much to do.Even if i am her parent here now, i cant commit to embrace all situation that she will be into.Not this early.Not when I will be so occupied with my book and work and my own life.She better go back first to her own family and take the relationship from there.

She cried after all that i told her.She cried because she realized she suddenly forgot her purpose of coming here.I knew she was overwhelmed by the guy's sweetness.I must admit he's kind and respectful yet it's not a guarantee that he could be a good boyfriend for her.I told her she's so vulnerable. Unless she promised me that she could control her emotions and that she will be strong enough, i would not let her succumb to all her infatuations.she needs to learn. she needs to improve herself so she would be more confident to go to another country.Why the heck would she ask me that question?

I told her not to ask me that question again.I told her that not even her parents can stop her heart from falling in love.We can only say our piece.She has to decide.But because she's in my roof, it's my responsibility to guide her.Oh, God!i didnt even know i would become a mother suddenly.

Anyway, we went out of the resto happy again.I could not blame her for feeling this way.She has no brother and she has limited encounter with men in her country.Still, that's not an excuse for her to indulge in a relationship.It's still too early.NO WAY!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

random thoughts

it would be few days from today and my country is going to be faced with new set of leaders, so to speak.i wonder if there is really something that's new in the leadership.i may sound cynical but this is just how i view politics in my beloved Philippines.In one of my encounters with my ethics class, i told my students to choose wisely those leaders whom they think are capable of helping them make this country better.Of course they asked me who were in my list and I gladly replied..."THERE"S NONE!" I have chosen not to vote.That means I am curtailing my right and my opportunity to give my vote to anyone.Am i good a example?For many, i would be judged as indifferent.For some, i would be called a "KJ" ( i dont even think it's a joyful election.) Well, whatever I maybe called, I am done! I dont want to waste casting my vote to people i dont even know.I love tis country so much but I just could not choose who?I had to go back to my old argument..."Let there be that 2 party system in the Philippines." I still wish and pray for a peaceful election.I still will be watching the news about that day.I will still be doing what is best for my country...but I wont Vote..and i dont need your condemnation, whatever!

I am bent to enrol my thesis this june for my theology.I am still figuring out as to whether or not I will still teach in TIP.I know how tough my readings would be.Dorothy is also here with me and i need to give her some of my time.My mind is a bit messed up now.In the end, i know what to do..HIs will will surely prevail.Some people are still not happy as to my getting theology.For heaven sake, I dont need any of your opinions.My bliss does not rely on what you think of me.Live your lives and discover your passion.I am sad for those who still dont know what makes them happy in life but my business is not to give them that happiness.It's only their choice that matters.Please jus dont screw mine!

The heat is of my writing this, It hits 37 on the chart.My body is not really happy about this.I have no choice.LIfe has still to move on.I am just like doomed to have my migraine and all.What with my period coming, i dont think it's cool but I need to get by.I guess I am more powerful than the heat.