Saturday, April 24, 2010

i have company

she came three days brother and i picked her up at the airport.I was so grateful my brother took the time to join me despite his frenetic schedule.i knew he's so busy hurdling jobs left and right from defending his clients, doing researches,meeting people particularly doing all the tough tasks as a political strategist of a senatorial candidate.he picked me up at starbucks then we drove to NAIA 2.We still had 2 hours before her plane arrived so we ended up talking at pizza hut then driving around taguig area while jamming again to the music we so loved.

she emerged from the airport and it was a great first meeting.she's here now.she's dorothy my 20 year old university student from korea majoring in korean was funny to note that i see a lot of me in her personality.she is very vivacious and warm thus she makes friends easily.she's childish and childlike as well.we like similar stuffs.we love walking,in fact we have our night walks for two days now.she assists me in the house.she cooks simple stuffs when i am having classes.she writes her diary.she watches English programs.she likes to meet people but she also values her privacy.She's also clumsy like me and that is something i find cute. she's here with me and since she has an open ticket, she does not know yet when she'll go back to her country. i bet she'll stay a bit longer.i worry about the weather being too hot for her, but she doesnt complain a bit.she's just a sweetie.since, she was with me online for almost 2 years, i know she already has an idea of the kind of person that i am.

my neighbors are so accomodating too.they take time to make her comfortable.i am so glad.we did simple stuffs together.we go, shop, learn from what we see. talk about our cultures, laugh, goof around and i am still looking forward for more.

i am glad i have company again.i like the thought that i am called a teacher but treated ,like a sister.there is nothing grand with what we have as housemates but my heart is so happy to finally have one of the sweetest students with me.i am blessed for being trusted's great learning more from one of my favorite countries.GO MA WA!

we'll be going places and i am hoping she will have a blast!

Ohh, i almost forgot..the only thing that differs me from her is that I am a camwhore while she's not.she's very shy to face the camera.I really have a hard time taking photos of her.i just hope she'll loosen up a bit soon.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

When all i need is ....SILENCE

one of the few things that i value most in life is silence.many of you might not believe this but it has always fascinated me to be in the middle of what seems to be nothingness, except silence.many would think of me as very vivacious,bubbly , articulate (hmmmm), argumentative, assertive aggressive little woman but let me tell you one thing....NONE of these best fits me unless you'll know that I am really loving every moment in solitude.

Many years back, when everybody was preoccupied with life and what it had to offer, I was contemplating of entering the world of the contemplatives.I could not even understand why i was so drawn by the inward spirit of these people.I used to visit them in the outskirts of malaybalay and even in the hidden streets of my city.It was a peaceful feeling just being there and conversing with those gentle people.I had to consult my spiritual directors as to whether or not I was bent to be one of them.Of course the answer was a NO! my energy is meant to be expressed outwardly,My charisma is with the world.It's just that I am my very introspective self even in the midst of the crowd.Many would never understand that.In fact, they would misconstrue me as snubbish, aloof, sophisticated and unreachable.(Like i am a star huh!) It did concern me before.I was affected with what others think of me when i tend to withdraw myself from them.I dont anymore care now.

I love conversations.i love listening to people's stories.I am so in love with humor but I am also more drawn to people who have depth.(No wonder I am still single.) It is always cool being with people who find meaning in the littlest thing there is in life.Those people who like to share about how the universe has blessed them.I love listening to my students share their life stories.Yet, after all these,I still want to be alone. in my own comfort zone.I just want to process everything in my head.I want to savor the day's event.I want to be preoccupied with nothing else but peace and quiet.Many people wont understand me for this.I dont care.

I love to argue too.It's obvious that I am so assertive about what i believe in.Radical as I am, It is not my duty though to impose what I have on others.I hate the words "should, must, have" .They remind me of people in history who knew nothing but demand and not thinking about how the majority felt.As a teacher, I may have countless times of being imposing (and I was not happy about that..My apologies then)..I just wish i was not that demanding.I have met people, friends and foe who are like this.Imposing their thing on me...but thank you.My only option is SILENCE! when im not talking anymore, that means to say i'm not anymore comfortable and i dont want to say anything or do anything in the slightest degree that may cause more harm than good.

When I'm too hurt or too angry, my best option is to move back. It doesnt hurt much not to say anything unless it's supposed to be said.I find this amazing.My life has been so messed up in all its degree possible but in the end, I still feel like I am a winner.There are battles that I won because I asserted my right but most of the victories that I've gotten were because I chose to be quite and let nature took its course.

The past days have been so intense.I feel uneasy at few people's way of talking and behaving yet, i need not react.I had to let things pass.I choose to move back and just settle a bit.I laugh it off a bit and cry if I must but it is paying off. Words do hurt like a dagger would.Some dont get that.I refuse to counter with my own vocabulary.I know it will really hurt people big time.

I am backing off now.Thanks for reading.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

sunday thoughts!

if i were to trade something that i have now with something else, i guess i would not be able to.i am loving whatever i have and whereever i am at the moment.i always believe that there is never any coincidence in this world.everything happens because they are meant to.i still have questions in my head though.questions like why am i still here at not somewhere with someone?, why on earth do i still feel so childlike within?, why do i cry when people leave? furthermore, i still ask what lies ahead of me?or if there is still life after here.?then when i have so many questions popping into my crazy head, i begin to slow down because i know these and other questions will never be answered right there and then.Things happen because they are meant to happen.To add to that, they happen because we also allow them to.

i met a friend at national bookstore yesterday and i spent few minutes chatting with question came out from his mouth..."Don't you have a plan to marry?" The only respond i could give was a grin.How else will i answer that question?I grinned because i found the question humorous in a way.If i were to ask it now, i guess i would tell him that I dont plan anything anymore.I have been there done that.Most of my plans werent realized the way i wanted them.instead, there were grand things that happened that were not really planned.Call it fate but i really dont give a damn.To lengthen my story, just few minutes after that encounter I was chatting with a crew from pizza hut.Obviously, i was there because it's one my favorite spots to dine.He candidly asked me where's my date?He further asked if i was married or single.Again, i gave my usual grin and quipped.."INTERVIEW?" He smiled and told me he was comfortable asking that because i was already a regular customer.Point taken.I was just hoping he saw me talking with someone afte that.hmmmm, it was just a short date.nah.

The bigger picture is still out there.I once saw a Korean documentary featuring the life of a monk.I was struck with what the traveller answered when he was asked where he would be going after leaving his work totally.He simply answered.."There is still the bigger picture out there.Life does not end when i stop working." In the midst of the material world where I am at the moment, I would like to stress that I am trying to be at peace with myself and with others.I dont want to be frenzied by what society expects of me.Life is better now for me and I dont want to trade it with things that actually dont matter to me at the moment.Don't ask me about my plans to marry.I desire it but there is nature that works best for me.I dont want people tell me they worry about me being alone.There are more people to worry about.There are those who are lonely in the midst of their friends and family.Ask me what my heart is feeling now and i will tell you It's joyful.I have bliss.

Thanks to those who asked me about my life.Perhaps the best question that you could ask next time is..."What have you done to make your life meaningful?" I would surely answer you with a smile for i know what i have done so far.

Friday, April 9, 2010

hello, goodbye

i didnt know that i was so attached with my Samsung SQ10 till i wrapped it with the cloth and kept it in my closet.My fingers are now scribbling using my new Asus 1005 ha.I needed to let go of my beloved gadget because the battery has not been well.I know that I would be on the go most of the time and it would be inconvenient for me to be looking for a place to charge it.What made me like this new partner is that it has a 10 hour battery capacity.

i am quite sentimental though because my samsung has been my lifeline for the longest time.It has allowed me to communicate to my students from the other side of the world.It has given me the opportunity to link with people across the globe...not to mention, it has been the source of my connection with my significant other.I made friends and foes here too.I had bittersweet memories of some people in here.Despite all these drama, i am bent to hand it to my dear sister.I know she'll take care of this.I wish she would really.

I dont know what's in store with my new gadget.I can see that it's a sleek one though.It's very portable and i guess i wont suffer much of my scoliosis in carrying this.It did hurt my budget actually but i didnt have a choice but to have it.As to how long this will serve me, II'll just wish it would be for a long time.

I will be missing my Samsung.I do love it.I will learn to love my new one though...after all, that's the best thing to do.

for the sixth time...(why the heck am i dreaming of that same person?)

i have to admit that i am a dreamer and i do remember most of my dreams.I have just read that people do dream most of their lives at is said that dreams help balance the physical, physiological, emotional and spiritual being of a person.furthermore, we dream because it is one outlet of our unconscious to let out specially that we tend to neglect it due to so much preoccupations during the day.Obviously these are just few of the theories that psychologists and other experts had laid out.At one point or the other, they may or may not really be solid in nature.I dont really want to ramble of blahs blahs about why we dream.I bet this is always part and parcel of our humanity.The bible would recount so many stories about the role of dreams in the faith dimension of the early christians and the jews alike.Joseph was in fact a very prominent character in the sacred book because of his capacity to interpret dreams...big time.In fact, narratives would tell us his interpretations changed the course of the people's lives.

I am a dreamer as i have said earlier and i must admit i do have a grasp of what my dreams mean most of the time.They are most of the time revelations of what's gonna happen and what happened.Most often that not, i dream about other people's lives and what really would happen to them in time.Animal symbols would mean something to me.The snake most of the time signals betrayal or a coming treachery.The dog would hint someone's watching my downfall or that i am watching over someone.The water plays a very significant part of my nightdreams.A serene water naturally symbolizes that my life is on the right track.A dark and murky one would mean a disaster.

A month before Ondoy hit the Philippines, i dreamt that my sink was overflowing with water.I was totally scared because the water went up almost to the second floor.I was basically worried about that.I felt that there was a disaster that would happen but I could not figure out what.I just prayed it wont be tumultous.Then there was Ondoy.I was left swimmming for hours in Cubao and technically stranded for like 18 hours.Worst, my house was flooded up to my sink but didnt reach the second floor.Scary?!

More than 6 years ago, i dreamt i was swimming in the very deep sea trying to save a baby and my friend.I was swimming fast and saved the two of them.It was terrifying.Three days after that dream, my friend, confided to me that she felt she was pregnant.of course it was out of wedlock.I was the first and only person who knew from that day on.when it was confirmed that she's having a baby, i was with her almost the whole time of her pregnancy and all.I was with her until everybody learned about the whole thing.It was a terrible moment at first. The baby i was saving in my dream was born after all that she had to suffer...and i was there.

I had so many stories to tell about my dreams but i wont do it now.i would like to simply stress the point that i am so haunted with the thought of why i keep on dreaming about this person.Today was the sixth time.I am so lost with words to explain as to why i keep on dreaming about him.i am just thankful they're good ones though but still, I dread the thought that this might change how he would think of me.he knows how i treated him similarly with the others.he's a nice young fellow.i didnt even have much time to bond with him and his batch because of time constraint.We did have great times in class and all but that was it.when i woke up this morning and did my morning prayers, i could not help but cry again.For heaven's sake i really dont know why this is happening again.

Someone told me that maybe we're connected in a way.To pacify myself, I'd like to believe that.We're not talking anymore after the night before my birthday.there's no point talking about us.there is nothing to talk about literally.I dont know what's in his mind simply because he didnt open that much when i was with them.I dont really know.I kept on asking him if he was really alright and he said he was.This is silly perhaps for me to write in here but this is the 6th time ever.i have not even dreamt of my significant other this much.

I said a prayer for him today though.I know he's doing well.I just wish I really know why i dreamt of HIM big time.i hope after my writing this..the dreaming stops.please god!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My new American Idol

as i was writing this, my ears were glued to casey james' version of john lennon's JEALOUS GUY.i watched the show earlier today and how i just loved seeing him with his locks.he was simply soulful that my heart leapt.(ahhh, an understatement)i have been rooting for him since his audition days.i love the way he plays his guitar and the eyes could i not love them?.the judges were so amazed with his performance that i was clapping everytime, specially when simon gave his.

casey is one artist to keep an eye on.he is just not the man with an awesome look but he could really sing and play his guitar big time.i'm a fan of bowersox too.i also root for lee but i'm loving casey more.he's just so laidback and obviously a to jason castro , who also happened to be from texas, casey james is my next american idol. whatever happens,win or lose, he will make it big.

Monday, April 5, 2010


I was reading again Leo Buscaglia's "Living, Loving and learning " when i came across this very poignant poem written by a young lady who wanted to remain anonymous.This matters to me so much because with my number of years living in this world, there are still things that i never did and do which i should have been doing. I have missed my sister who died when i was only 14.I wanted so much for her to know that i love her and if there's a chance for me to live again during her lifetime, i would certainly be the best sister i was supposed to be.she died at a budding age of 18, and i saw how she suffered and i just realized until now, death is so inevitable.i was a brat for i knew she would protect me.I was so dependent on her.I was so possessive of her.she was all i truly counted on that and mom were both working and she's been there for me and my was a tragic time for my was more for me and my brother because we were entering our adolescent period.i know i could have done more than just be a sweet spoiled sister to her.I know i could have been more loving.i miss her more than anything else.i thought i have moved on but i still wish she's around for me.i want her to see how i lead my life.i want her to know how i try to be a good elder sister and daughter.i want so much for her to know that she will never be forgotten.i miss her voice.her lovely face.i miss her smile and i miss her when she would just lay in bed beside me or in between me and bro.i am a bit emotional now.i dont care.i want her to know she's missed and im reminded to spend time with people who matter to me.i am reminded to let people know how important they are no matter how doesnt matter.i dont want to miss another day not telling them i love them.i want them to know more than anything else i am always here for them.

here's the poem for all of you.

Remember the day I borrowed your brand new car and I dented it?
I thought you'd kill me but you didn't.
And remember the time i dragged you to the beach, and you said it would
rain, and it did?
I thought you'd say, "I told you so." But you didn't.
Do you remember the time I flirted with all the guys to make you jealous, and
you were?
I thought you'd leave me but you didn't.
Do you remember the time I spilled strawberry pie all over your car rug?
I thought you'd hit me, but you didn't.
And remember the time I forgot to tell you the dance was formal and you
showed up in jeans?
I thought you'd drop me, but you didn't.
Yes, there were lots of things you didn't do.
But you didn't put up with me, and you loved me, and you protected me.
There were lots of things I wanted to make up to you when you returned from
Viet Nam.
But you didn't.

arrghh,this hurts!

1. On Specks and Logs

"And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, 'Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye?"1

Mike Atkinson in his Mickey's Funnies shares the following humorous story:

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean," she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap." Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About a month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."2

Need I say more?

Published by Acts International


According to Aristotle, man's form comprises a soul, which has a plant-like part, an animal part, and a rational part.So how should we live?What does it require to live a good life?He answered that man can only achieve happiness by using all his abilities and capabilities.He held that there are three forms of happiness.The first form is alife of pleasure and enjoyment.The second is that happiness is a life as a free and responsible citizen and the third form of happiness is a life as a thinker and philosopher.
Aristotle then emphasized that all three criteria must be present at the same time for man to find happiness and fulfillment.He rejected all forms of imbalance.Had he lived today he might have said that a person who only develops his body lives alife that is just as unbalanced as someone who only uses his head.Both extremes are an expression of a warped way of life.
The same principles applies in human relationships, where he advocated the "Golden Mean." We must neither be cowardly nor rash, but courageous(too little courage is cowardice, too much is rashness), neither miserly nor extravagant but liberal (not liberal enough is miserly, too liberal is extravagant). The same goes for eating. It is dangerous to eat too little, but also dangerous to eat too much. The ethics of Plato and Aristotle contain echoes of Greek medicine:only by exercising balance and temperance will I achieve a happy and harmonious life.

Based on the book "Sophies World" by Jostein Gaarder.

I Learn (A Repost)

"It's only when you embrace the past that you've truly moved forward."

Most often than not,people would tell us to let go and move on.We do everything to simply forget those memories that hurt us the most.We try so hard to cling to the good ones...those that make us laugh, triumphant, ecstatic, thrilled and what have you.We resort to hang out with nice people....those that empower us hoping that sooner or later we will be alright again.there is nothing wrong with all's part of human survival.It's normal to learn how to cope with things.Let go.I often tell my friends this too...but wait.

Humanity also tells us that we are not only made up of good stuffs.In fact, life is not only about joys.We need to embrace the alternative.There is just something beyond letting go that we need to realize.It is not forgetting what we dont like to remember.It's actually embracing them.There is the healing power of the experiences that terribly wound us.Of course we wont see it like that when we're the victims.The things that hurt us the most are actually those same things that allow us to grow into wiser and bolder people.Real joy comes from the fact that we survive the storms of life bravely.It's not forgetting them.

Oftentimes we fail to see what lies behind those tears.When we fail in any endeavor we tend to shun ourselves from the world.Then we make a vow never to be hurt again.Baloney! life promises us good and bad stuffs.We need to embrace them both.Living life does not only mean to be happy all the time.Sometimes, it's more sublime to face the odds squarely.Real wisdom comes from tough experiences.

I learn the art of embracing life wholly.I learn to appreciate the beauty in all that it has given me.I learn not to fret when i fail.I learn to laugh at odds that come my way.I dont want to forget either.I want to take time to heal.

Life has taught me this.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

A Radical way of celebrating life

i was very lucky this year because my birthday fell on a good friday.well, i guess lucky is not the appropriate word.. blessed is. I was blessed because i was given the chance to commemorate two special occasions that would remind me of my humanity and Christ's too.Because i was kind of tired and sick from our escapade at galera (not to mention my skin that's awesomely red!), i decided to simply stay at home and pray and read and what have you.I knew that i had previously said YES to mark and Francis' invitation to be with them in Pangasinan.I had a hard time deciding because my body was really wanting to just linger in bed.Usually too, i didnt go out during my birthday.I was used to celebrating it alone or with the street kids or in the mountains of Bukidnon.I simply wanted to give that day to myself.Added to that was the fact that during holy week, I usually just also stayed home..but not this year.i finally packed my few clothes and went to Katipunan at around eleven in the evening on a wednesday.i had to sleep at the Condo because we would be leaving early morning the next day.The traffic was pestering me already.We were on the road for like 6 hours..I must admit i was getting so impatient and sick from the travel.Of course, I had also great moments with mark and francis.It was just my skin was so hot so i was very uncomfortable.anyway, we stopped by tarlac (hacienda luisita )to have our breakfast, took some pictures, then drove again to our destination.we arrived at Villa Carolina at around one.the place had a great view of the beach.we had simple lunch of 'grilled bangus and liempo." i had a great time eating but was a bit pissed off when i learned that we were charged 450 pesos just for that.I was totally numbed!still, it didnt dampen my spirit.i ws beginning to love the place because it was entirely so laidback.we rested for a few minutes then headed to the lighthouse.I've heard that it was the tallest lighthouse in the philippines.I had to really hid from the sun's biting heat because i felt my skin's really damaged.I felt so nostalgic when we were lying on the sand of Patar beach.I was thinking of my late grandmother.i was thinking of my brother.he was my constant partner in going to the beach despite mom's disapproval.goofying with mark and francis made my day crazier.Listening to the music from Francis' ipod made me want to fall into deep slumber.I was lying there big time.i didnt mind that there were people passing was just the time i needed to commune with myself and my GOD!i didnt really swim the whole time but simply witnessing the sun slowly disappearing was a beauty to heart leapt just by being was only during those moments that i could recognize more fully how manifold GOD's love was.Dinner was made of sardines and rice, sausage and corned beef and fish with tomates, iced tea and mangoes.The first night was so splendid.WE were just there lying in the sand with the candles lit and half buried.(Thanks to Francis' creativity) We were literally stargazing.It was so overwhelming that i really wanted to cry.It was few hours before my birthday and i was just so thankful i was there.

I felt i was simply brought to some special moments with my GOD.He just knew how I needed those times.I was also exchanging messages with JV who happened to play significant parts of my nightdreams.i had to settle things with him.I was glad we talked.My friends finished their beer and then we went to our room.I was sleeping so soundly.I was so grateful.

On the day of my birthday, I wore my sundress. We went to the town to visit the church.It was an old church but it's beauty was so magical.we went inside to pray and headed back to the resort.on our way, we bought some fish and fruits for our lunch and dinner.after our sumptous meal, the three of us invaded the singing arena.(LOL) we technically sang to our hearts' content only to be a bit embarrassed by no less than the owner herself.well, it didnt dampen my spirit.though, she did make such a great impact.It was a good friday too.We rested on a cottage after that, read books and tried to nap.I was able to finish Tom Clancy's Patriot Games.I almost cried.It was a great novel.We slept a bit early after having our last dinner there.We left the resort at around eleven then proceeded to the enchanted cave.We drove to Tummy teasers and had pizza which was the specialty of the house for our lunch.Then we headed back to Manila.Francis drove so well that we reached home after a matter of only four hours or so.I was tired when i got home but I was so happy.I felt the inner peace once again and I was ready to let go more.It was a birthday that's so different from the usual birthdays i had. It was a good friday that's far more different from the other good fridays, yet they were two occasions that made me closer to the one who made me little less than HIMSELF but has given me so much more than what I expected.As I opened my facebook, I was bombarded with a lot of greetings from people.I was so touched that I finally broke into tears.My life has been so blessed that I want to give back more.I am a teacher and will always be a teacher.This is the best thing GOD has given me.The two day encounter with him at Bolinao affirmed HIS Love for me more than ever.Until now, My heart is vulnerable to crying because I am so filled with joy.I dont know how long this bliss lasts..i pray it will be forever.