Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year

After so long a time, I must say this is the most peaceful year ender for me.Though I am alone, I am still able to be productive. I was able to talk to my parents and asked for forgiveness . I have written some details in my thesis. I have laughed hard and more than anything else I have made peace .

I don't make any resolutions anymore. I just live each day as if it's my last. Even if I am scared as to my PMS thing,I guess I will be fine.

I am looking forward for more yogic experience . I am also getting excited for my thesis and hopefully graduation.

What else is there? I am going to keep being open to the leading of energies.

I am glad I end the year right. Tomorrow will take it's place.

Taking time.


Friday, December 30, 2011

Hello sun

I woke up earlier today to go to the public market. I decided to walk as I felt it a need . I have missed my early morning walks already. Since I did yoga, my moments with the sun and the fresh ground have been less.

Anyway, as I was heading to the market I couldn't help but be awed at the great sunrise. It was as if the sun told me something of great importance. It's the new year very soon and with it comes the bright shining ray of hope for a better and more productive year.

I am still certainly going to be alone this new year's eve. More prayers and reflections will happen, for sure.

I wish everyone a sun shiny day and year ahead.


Saturday, December 24, 2011

Alone on christmas

I have only Santa with me this Christmas. I guess it's better this way than causing more pains to my kin.

Despite life's brokenness, I'm wishing everyone a blessed Christmas.


Thursday, December 22, 2011

Christmas radical thoughts

It's Christmas tomorrow and what does this self believe?
Well, I am not gonna lie that I am becoming less appreciative of this tradition. My childlike excitement vanishes at some point . There are less , if not, zero wishes for myself.
Life is cheap specially that my beloved hometown has been terribly hit by nature's wrath. My family is alright but there is a strain that affects my connection with them. All because of this perennial woman thing , maybe.
I will certainly stay in my pad the whole time, unless of course , there's a viable invitation. There will be less to eat. I just wish i could give more.
This self has become more radical in the way Christmas is celebrated. As I age and become more independent, there appear better options than lavish spending .

I woke up today after having great dreams. They sufficed what I missed and longed for.

I called them saving grace.

I still wish everyone a great and blessed Christmas. May you have peace!


Saturday, December 17, 2011

Sad news

Today, I had a blast.from having a great practice and a great movie then the traffic that's sickening ...
What's highlighting this day is the terrible advent of the typhoon that hit my hometown Big Time. I am glad my family's alright despite the odds but my heart breaks seeing the horrendous aftermath of the disaster. My hometown has been trending today. The urge to go home is very strong.I don't know what awaits me but I am hoping for the best. I pray everyone gets healed from this. I know how it is. Been there...

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

An intense morning

I was supposed to go to the Shala today but the heaviness that I felt both physical and emotional, not to mention spiritual, moved me to gather my mat downstairs and confronted myself again and my Maker , of course. It was my longest cry since I dont know when. It was such a painful encounter of my vulnerabilities again. I must say it wasn't the first time. Certainly,self scolding happens every now and then. Humanity with all it's frailties should be dealt with for life.

Broken, humbled, waiting, hopeful...
These exactly describe that encounter on my mat. I called Him my Maker, Energy , Force ... I was totally there just letting things go.

It was a cleansing and therapeutic immersion. This self is now revived.

Just look at the smile. Thank you Lord, always .

Random thoughts today

So I almost forgot it's the holiday season once again. What have I done so far to prepare myself to the coming of the messiah ? I need to say I am becoming His prodigal daughter again. What then shall I do to make this season truly a joyous one? I honestly don't know anymore for now. In all aspects I am lacking . More importantly, I feel unworthy to receive him. I lack everything. This Christmas I just truly want to renew the zest for my life in all aspects. My spirit is dampened but I'm sure there is growth even in the driest of land. Somewhere there is life. I believe so.

Monday, December 12, 2011


My desk reflects the state of mind this mortal has. I am trying to put ideas into their right perspective but most often than not I simply can't. I have barely 3 months more prior to my defense. May the Lord of wisdom grant me what I need to finish this writing.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Life is still sweet, you know

Lunch today was a sweet one. I had my favorite blueberry muffin and donut. I was trying to put things in perspective , my wandering mind specially . 'tis the season to be jolly , they say.I'm taking my time. I maybe consumed by some things , I'm pretty sure once emptied I will be renewed again. After all,life is still sweet, you know.

About to sink...

Like the moon which periodically appears, my life is not spared from the rise and fall of energy. My mind is equally wandering most of the time.worries here and there are stuff that cause me sleepless nights. Emotions fluctuate too. Oh dear Santa, please grant me peace this Christmas season.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

It's the first of December

Christmas is just around the corner is what the old adage would say. I dont really know what would make this christmas different from all the other christmases that i had. I still dont have my ticket for my vacation at home.In fact i dont still know if ill go home. I am becoming too independent that i dont think id ever feel lonely if id spend christmas alone.

Stll, i believe I need to go back and be with my folks. I am still a member of a family and I have an obligation as a daughter to honor my parents despite and inspite of. I still have friends in my hometown and there are still few reasons for me to go back.

Life as it is ...Christmas as it is. Looking forward.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Just noting

It's my first time to blog using my iPod.I am resting on my favorite mat on the floor on this cozy saturday afternoon. It's the first day of my monthly ordeal and I feel that so much of my energy is flowing out. Lower back pains are bearable but disturbing so I have no choice but rest. The practice today was fine though a bit heavy . I didn't know that my period served me in the middle of my asanas. I was glad I was able to do my full practice with full back bends and drop backs. That was a gift!

Lunch consisted of tuna sandwich and carrot bar with four seasons juice.on my way out, I passed by Sony ericsson display area and I was captivated by it's latest design. I stopped for a moment and requested for the reddish color but they told me it's not, my penchant for red gadgets overwhelmed ne again. Anyway,great songs are playing right now on my favorite fm station. Guess what? I'm feeling so comfy just being in my place but I'm still wishing I was somewhere far..,in the beach alone with my books or with someone who would make my
heart beat again ...Ahhh this weather is just great!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Thursday the 17th of november

Life has been fine with me these past few days in the midst of all the mind boggling thesis writing stuff. I was trying to finish at least my Chapter I but  I ended up groping for good ideas. Because I am mostly confined at home I am faced with chores and students.There is also the TV that constantly invites me to watch good programs. You see, I only have five hours away from teaching each day. I simply dont know sometimes how to apportion this to cater to what I have to do. I cant help but create random thoughts of quitting my work to concentrate on writing but I know it's too impossible. I need to work to fend for myself and to help my family. It is a burden at times to think that I am not really that firee financially. Still, I am positive things will turn out alright.

This morning I had my early practice at the shala. I was at first contemplating whether to go or not a because I felt sluggish. I've got slight colds and my muscles are heavy and tired. In the end, I was brought to my favorite place, the shala. There were only few women there and It was a good chance for me to be more attuned with my poses with my teachers' assistance. I love my morning.

Because it was way too early for the  malls to open, I decided to stay by the poolside of the hotel and relax. I didnt know that the time I spent there gave me bliss. Simply staring at the cool and bright clear water, I managed to forget that there were tasks to do outside my yoga mat. That time I was just chilling....wanting to sleep even.

There are not so pleasant things happening at home but we managed to cope with them. I just realized life is too short to be very concerned of what's not yet there. I guess the future shouldn't be worried too much .What is really important is the NOW. I should not forget this classic lesson in life. in There are  my parents who are aging,my siblings and my work. I have to take things as they come or else I might be caught up with what's still an illusion.

Friday, November 11, 2011

My EWA experience

the Feminists

The Ecclesia of Women in Asia 5 has just culminated and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be part of it. Almost forty women (feminist) in Asia and the US as well gathered in Kuala Lumpur Malayisa to tackle issues related to women. Specifically, this year's theme was Wired Asia, Toward an Asian Feminist Theology of Human Connectivity. It was my first time to join an international endeavor like this and what made it so special was the fact that I was given the chanc to present my paper to these great women.

Dancing with joy

I was thinking I would be presenting on the second day but It was a surprise knowing I was the first presentor. I was totally panicking few hours before the conference kicked off. As I started delivering my 20-minute presentation, I realized that I was not anymore my usual self. I noticed that in front of
me were women who were totally supportive of me.I saw how interested they were of my paper.
 After my talk and the dialogue with the other participants, I was bombarded with all praises from these same women. They liked my paper because it was something new. They like my presentation as well. I was totally empowered. I never did imagine I would become that confident. I am forever thankful to my mentor for not giving up on me.

with my mentor, Ma'am Agnes

As the conference went on, I have come to realize that new doors have opened up for me.
My heart seemed to explode hearing from my mentor how confident she was of me. I have often wondered where my theology struggles will lead me but after the five day encounter with my fellow feminists, I knew I was on the right track...and i still am.


Thank you everyone.See you again soon.

I was emotional on the last day of the conference. I felt so blessed just being there. More than that,I felt so relieved knowing I have found my support system. Sharon Bong told me she's glad I was able to make it there. I was immensely grateful that I have found my place in this venture. It's good to be safe. It's good to have a home again.

EWA conference

Saturday, October 29, 2011


I was with my brother last night for dinner with a bottle of red wine.We talked a lot about our family, our frustrations, disppointments, dreams and plans for everyone at home. I felt relieved having shared with him what I have been going through inside about this family. It was nice knowing we share the same feelings and thoughts. Most of the things discussed were circled on disappointments over the vicious cycle that has been going around for years. It is really putting a heavy burden on our chest. I was glad we talked again.It was good to know i have a brother out there.

I woke up today perplexed. Apart from my sore muscles from the intense yoga yesterday, I am totally burdened about my family. I know i dont have to but I cant help it. I felt annoyed and disappointed. Is this really what family is all about....Where everyone seems to just depend from you all their lives? Do i sound selfish?I feel I am not growing an inch when it's all about them. I dont know.Is there really a way out?Sometimes, Id rather forget everything. Sometimes I even think of why on earth could i not choose the kind of family I should be in. It's not for me to answer, I know. There are reasons why things happen. The least that I can do is accept things as they are and just do what i can do about some hitches. Less expectations , less worries.

My brother and I realized that our family has contributed a lot to the kind of persons we are to day. Our strong personalities have been influenced much by the genes that we have. There is nothing we can do about that. We just have to overcome those that are not pleasant. I am glad I have a strong faith in a Higher being. I guess He is leading me to the right direction.

I still need to grow each day and it's not a piece of cake. It means hard work. Family is always family. It's the only one I have . I just pray things are going to fine, really fine.....

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Coldplay - Fix You .....I'm loving it BIG TIME!

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I was watching the finale of You think you can dance 7 when a couple performed a dance using this as the theme.I exactly knew what I felt upon hearing it. GOOSEBUMPS! I felt I was carried away towards the heavens. i bet this song wasnt meant to be religious but i was able to attach a very spiritual meaning into it. Will there really be a man who would tell me over and over again that he'll try to fix me when I'm too broken?

Just recently an ex came back and tried to persuade me that he loves me still.funny because I knew his intentions weren't sincere. How could he be when he is in a relationship now ?I knew he wanted to manipulate me again to satisfy his greed. Ladies and gentlemen, this woman would not allow any man to hurt her.Anyway,going back to the song.....

There is healing in this song. A human heart that's frail is capable of being strong when someone is willing to help. Friends, family, anyone who has the capacity to be there in our brokenness. I was struck with the word..TRY.. This earthling promises that she'll do her best to help until the very end,

The brokenness in this world abounds. I am reminded of my moral obligation to serve in my own ways. As a teacher, I am always trying to fix people.I will not stop. For as long as I live and until there is a soul that's going to need me, I will help fix them.


Thursday, October 13, 2011


i love humanity. watching reality shows always touch my core. through these, i am being grounded and am more appreciative of what I have. This episode has crippled me BIG TIME. Complaining about life that's not being fair to me at times, I felt being slapped on the face by watching this. I am humbled.

What has his story spoken for me? A lot, actually. Life isnt that cruel after all.Things happen for good reasons and most often the reasons are for the best. This guy and his story should serve more than just a lesson. There is always life after all the strife. Stop Complaining.

He may not be the winner of the show but HE has already won the hearts of everyone.That is even more than just the fame.HE is a WINNER for he's survived life's toughest moments.

I am glad. I am grateful.

"Imagine there's no heaven....then we should make one here."


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Things I am grateful for this week

Everyday is a new day for me.I am always thankful for the LIFE  despite my being unworthy. More than anything else, this week has been a very blessed one. I couldnt even imagine I have received more than I expected.

Startng off with my paper for the conference in Malaysia. I thought I would not be able to make it for it took me almost a month to go back to writing again. I was even telling God that I would not go. I was feeling hopeless and depressed for a while but I was suddenly brought back to my senses. I didnt know how and when it happened but here I am happy to share that I have already submitted my final paper. I am grateful for the wisdom and most importantly I am grateful to my adviser who never gave up on me. In her own quiet ways she has inspired me to write for I know she has deep faith in me. Because of this upcoming activity I was able to be reunited with a classmate.We have booked our tickets and we're just waiting for the final date. I am very happy for this blessing.

I have also spoken with my parents and there was forgiveness that happend. My father is always the forgiving type. Despite my being an unworthy daughter at times, he always has good words for me. Mom may not be as expressive as dad but i know she cares too. I just need to be able to understand them.My very imperfect family loves me more than I know it. I am grateful for this.

I am also thankful for the trust given my few friends. I am claiming victory today. The universe has done its part successfully. I am very glad for all these.

This heart remains joyful and peaceful.


Monday, October 10, 2011

Checking in

I was my bad self again few days ago and it has caused tremendous impact on my family.I felt hopeless knowing everyone seemed to be my enemy. This heart only wanted to talk to them about issues that could have healed me and everyone but I ended up causing havoc. I was hurt yes, but I have hurt them more. There was hatered. I dislike everything that happened but  my unhealed wound seeks healing. My inner child has been wounded a long time ago and it has been calling me to confront my family specially my mom.I guess it's useless.My family is a stubborn one.I can only pray. A part of me is desperate to talk to them but i know they wouldnt really understand. There is only that saving grace. I hope I have been forgiven.I hope have forgiven too.

Life goes on with me here. Alone doing my stuff. I love the gift of joy despite the trials. No one can take this away from me. This soul has peace within and no one can disturb it. I maybe wanting healing but each day brings me closer to that. I have still reasons to smile. IN fact i've got many.

It's a moonday soon. I know why I am affected.

Sleep well.Namaste!

Monday, October 3, 2011


The  weather is still disturbing and more so my cough. It's a good thing there's another holiday in korea so many of my students didnt study today.This cough has been with me for a while eh.Despite the bad weather, I still went to school to enrol for thesis writing. I am hoping and praying I will really make it this semester. It was a great relief to be allowed to borrow some books even if the semester is ending. It pays to be assertive.

I was pissed off again in the afternoon. What with my phone bill's running and it reached above the limit. The funny thing is I havent even used it to call. It was so disppointing to know that I was redirected.Gees, I guess i have to have this line cut.USELESS!

I want to start reading and writing so no more useless preoccupations. Help me God.


Saturday, October 1, 2011

Saturday to behold

We are faced with another typhoon.Life for many people in the Luzon area is still in a verge of collapse after Pedring hit their places and here comes Quiel who is in his own way threatening too. Dams are overflowing so they need to be opened. Because of this,a huge amount of water flooded a bigger portion of Bulacan.It was more than a year ago when I was into such a demise. I was once a victim of this similar disaster.Life is cheap , come to think of it.

I still have my cough and runny nose but I decided to go to the shala.I havent even dared to do any yoga practice after last Saturday because my body doesnt really welcome it. I was glad but a bit worried that I might end up coughing inside the place, thankfully I wasnt. The place was packed with yogins.I saw our only male buddy. The space wasnt that wide so I ended up controlling arm stretches. I loved the energy. I love the chit chats after the practice. I loved being playful with my my teacher. I loved being with great energy.

It was already windy and drizzling when I went out of the hotel. My knees were very weak so after withdrawing money, i went to my favorite Korean resto and ordered Gimbap (Rice cake).I was full but i was not really comforted . My nose was clogged and my body's very lethargic. I guess It wasnt a great idea practicing tremendously. I needed to buy some food so I tried to be stronger. On my way home inside the taxi, I was in a terrible shape. I wanted to throw up.I wasnt well.Upon arriving home i felt like crying due to fatigue.

I lay in my mat at got ready for the UAAP game. It was a great one.In the end, the Ateneo Blue Eagles emerged the champions. Four straight years and I guess still counting. I couldnt help but scream.That was enough reason for me to feel better.Until now, Im fine. Laugher added up to healing. Thanks to my students specially Cindy.

I am beginning to read and I will really write. I will enrol my paper on Monday. May the spirit help me bring it on.

Ohhhh, Mom called to thank me today. I wasnt able to talk more due to my cough and I also had classes. I felt good, though.

I was supposed to hear mass to commemorate St. therese of the child jesus' day but i wasnt able to. I uttered my novena prayer to her instead. The two of us aren't done yet with my request. This little saint has a big heart, folks. Amen.

I am parking now. Life is alright today. I am grateful and resigned. There is a God who knows what He is all about.


Thursday, September 29, 2011

Not a good month ender eh...

End of the month..
    I thought I would end it right but I was wrong. Neighbor's visitors were very noisy.I am still wanting rest but they had a blast talking, shouting and playing loud music. I didnt know any of them so I decided to inform my landlady.
  My sister sent a message.I was irked. I could only think badly about any message from them. My mind and heart are still not open.I am tired of giving all the time.May God forgive me.
  I thought my readings will be smooth but because of the above mentioned stuff, my energy seemed wasted for nothing.Now, i need to rest..
 Hope to practice tomorrow.
 UAAP game 2 then.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Bad Weather...Bad Cold

The wind is terrible.It has been like this since yesterday. What's worst is that I am sporting a cough. My throat hurts much and I have chills. Still I have no choice but to teach. The rain is unstoppable outside. I have not much food stored at home. I was trying to experiment on my new phone so i ended up changing the language into something i dont know.Now i dont know where to go to change it to English.

It has been more than a year ago when Ondoy hit my place big time. I just pray things are alright this time. Sometimes i choose not to watch the news. It affects me so much to know the many damages brough about by calamities like this.

How's my family?I really dont have  any idea. I didnt call nor send them a message. I have really nothing to say. I dont want to sound indifferent but this is how i feel now.

Anyway, I am getting by with my condition.What with the bad weather and all. I have to work and move to survive.


Sunday, September 25, 2011

On conversion-----Daily Examen 6

The Parable of the Two Sons
    28 “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’    29 “‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.
   30 “Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go.
   31 “Which of the two did what his father wanted?”
   “The first,” they answered.
   Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. 32 For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.

Matthew 21:28-32

New International Version (NIV)

      Most of the time I am caught between goodbye and i love you, between yes and no, between forgiving and hating...and my list continues.Life for me is a matter of saying yes and no. Options are laid before me each time.Some options seem less sensible than the others.Some promise to yield good results. Some choices could also break or make me. How do i know that I am making the right choices?the right decisions? How do i know that I am doing what my Father tells me? These are hard questions that actually confront me most of my days. The gospel today is a clear reminder for me to check my response to life's demands of /from me.
   The parable of the two sons is a classic example of saying something and doing the other thing. At a first glance one would mistake the second son to be an obedient dude.While the other one would be labeled a rascal. What happens in the end is the total shift of attitude. The first son eventually emerge the obedient one while the other not. 
  What the first son displays is a total conversion. This act reflects the son's realization of doing what his father wants because it's the best option there is. I know that if the story had been lengthened, it would show that the son's change of heart doesn't happen overnight. I would guess he would have sleepless nights thinking of whether or nor he should do what the old man wishes. I guess too that he has a lot of doubts regarding his first and second responses. When he finally did the will of his father, i bet his heart found bliss.
  Doing the will of the Father is no piece of cake. It means giving up one's own priorities. It takes a lot of sacrifices to do good.It is always tempting to stay cool and laid back and pretend everything in this world is made of gold.It's easier to sit idle and not react to the world's needs but i believe we are not only made to enjoy life's grandeur. There are great responsibilites in store for us.Whatever response we give out is a manifestation of the kind of hearts we are made of.
  I am a stubborn ram at times. I know I have been a disobedient child but today's gospel allows me to check where I am at the moment. I am definitely sure I am still on the process of conversion. I desire sanctity of spirit though. I have failed so many times but there is no giving up. My God is patient to wait for me to be whole.I am getting there. He is my refiner's fire and I know He is not tired of me.
  Conversion is an endless process. The priest said that words are cheap. What we need are great deeds to sanctify the world. Simply said, action indeed speaks louder than words.



Saturday, September 24, 2011

All Great! ( Daily Examen 5)

I finally have my monthly guest.It visited me yesterday actually while I was very busy processing the renewal of my passport at the Department of Foreign Affairs. I have to say that I like better the system this time and the new place is also more presentable and well ventilated. Kudos  DFA!

I had to cancel my afternoon classes yesterday for I needed to take my late lunch at the Robinson's galeria. After having my favorite tausi fish and tofu with rice, i went to the Smart Communication wireless center to air out my complain about me being redirected because they claimed I didnt pay my bill. I was so agitated that I acted  very uncontrollable while waiting for my turn to be heard out. My anger I know was magnified because of my period. There were other customers who looked at me perhaps trying to console me or feel my lament. It was just very unfair to be cut despite the fact that I paid very early. It was very disppointing to know that it's their system that  failed but I am loving my customer service representative though.  She's sincerely apologetic in behalf of the company. I couldnt help but be calm again and try to make her feel comfortable with my presence.I apologized to her also and explained why i acted that way. I have to claim that I have found a friend in her. Actually there were already two of them. I was glad things were well taken cared of.It always pays to be assertive.

I have learned that it's good not to practice if one has her period. and if one does, she has to skip inversions. I dont know if i was stubborn or just simply determined. It's my heaviest flow but i went to the shala and did without  skipping the poses i had to execute. I was so fearless that I even did the headstand. My energy was just so huge that i didnt feel any strain in my arms or back. I guess the universe allowed me to practice today since I havent done any for the past five days. I am very grateful until now.

It's always nice to chat with my fellow yogins after the practice. I love being surrounded with great energies. They make me survive the full week of working alone.

I am also elated having watched the first game of the UAAP finals. I thought the Ateneo Blue Eagles wont make it as they were behind during the first half but they made it to the win giving the FEU Tamaraws a great disadvantage. I was cheering the whole time like crazy while watching it alone in the house. I'm always a fan of great games.

Life is generally awesome this week. I am glad I was also able to help a friend. I guess I have done something to make my life worth living. Basically, I am peaceful and joyful. I would like to thank my God for not abandoning me all the time. He always sticks with me when everyone else left.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Daily Examen 5

Call it Grace or blessing or both...I have experienced them today.I am very heavy now. Mood swings were few but everytime I snap a bit I don't really feel good.I dislike being annoyed over silly stuff but i just cant tell my hormones to cool down at times. I misjudged a friend earlier but I am glad I was able to let go of it. I was sorry for not being very patient.God knows my mind works wonders this time.(overstatement!)

This heart is grateful that I am beginning to write my paper again. Specifically, I am continuing my draft for the coming conference in Malaysia. I am happy to find some good readings. I am hoping for the best. I am looking forward for another travel opportunity abroad. There is always the Universe who leads me where I am supposed to be.

My thoughts arent that busy with negativity today. There were some moments  that I was tempted to stop and entertain past events and then get angered by them but I was always brought back to the NOW. I am glad God watches over me specially during this stage.

I am generally at peace today. I am more aware of my actions and thoughts. I am more conscious of my feelings. I am happy and grateful for today.


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Daily Examen 3-4

Noteworthy of my adventures since yesterday is my ability to snap easily. I know I have generally a great deal of patience.It would take me a while before I lose my cool. I am a patient teacher but because I am not quite the sane woman today, there are few instances in my dealings with my lovely kids that I tend to get annoyed.I am not comfortable being like this but I need to forgive myself more. My hormones are very disharmonized already.

I have been exchanging messages to the person whom I considered a good friend many months ago. I realized that I am really angry at what she and the other woman did. I thought I was alright backing off but telling them what I truly feel is a different story. I just have to stop communicating.Saying my piece allowed me to be  doomed to judgment.I am just happy I sent my message across even if it was interpreted the other way around.

I reflected on my friendships.There is always that cycle of letting go's.I couldnt handle injustice.I dont want to spoil people.I know I am very different from the rest.I feel at times that people get to abuse my kindness to the point of not anymore thinking about what I would feel. I guess I need to pause.Real friendships don't make one stay at the losing end.I still believe in equality.

I still am not talking nor calling home. I feel im still trapped at the kind of family that I have. I need clarity of thoughts. Right now, I am just feeling that they just need me financially.I am really tired of giving. I want at this point to also receive something even just a little.I am very sorry to my God for feeling this way. I know there is no stopping generosity.I need HIM to touch my heart and make me a genuinely generous person towards my very own family.

I still need healing now. As my monthly guest approaches, I am getting more monstrous in a way. I want to do yoga practice but my body says NO. I can only afford few breathing and meditation.I am where my body is right now. I am doing my daily thing but I really just want to sleep.


Monday, September 19, 2011

Daily Examen 2

My body's very heavy now.I am retaining a lot of water.Got a message from a friend before.She wanted to regain the lost friendship. I had to tell her what I truly felt.After a while, I was able to honestly articulate why I decided to back off. I wished her and the other the best. When the friendship is meant to be, the universe aligns the energies again.

I had my hype when i got a prompt from my mobile company that I was redirected because I wasnt able to pay the month's bill.I was beginning to yell at the woman on the other line. Why on earth will I be redirected.I paid earlier than the deadline.I was so pissed off that I cut the conversation. I tried calling to get more mad but no one answered.I know God doesnt want me to be destructive. I did feel being treated unfairly. I wish I had the patience to wait till I get to the bottom of things with this company.I wish I were not angry that time.

I am glad to converse with an old friend and a student.I am glad to be with my students. I felt bad for Glala though.I knew I made her feel uncomfortable this morning. My mood swings are beginning to be evident. I need to hang on. May God strengthen me more this time of the month.

My mentor communicated with me about the upcoming conference.I told her I was so demotivated to write.I knew I shouldn't have said that but that's just the truth. How in the world will i be able to join the conference with my state like this?How will I be able to defend this semester and graduate eventually? I need HIS inspiration and wisdom. I need to focus more too.

Despite the highs and lows of my emotions today. I am very much grateful for today. A student told me she missed me and will start to study again tomorrow.There is another potential student recommended. I am still able to laugh and eat. I am still able to watch good shows. I am still able to do my chores.I am still able to sing good melodies. I am still able to fight the good fight of being good.I am very blessed!

The day is about to end. I have one more student before I'll go to bed. This heart is glad for today. My worries and troubles are many but My GOD is BIGGER and my blessings are MORE!

Namaste !

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Daily Examen 1

It's a Sunday.I am entering the most crucial week as my period is gonna be visiting me soon. My night dreams were good. What with the famous artists participating in my dreamworld.Funny and cute as it may sound, I was totally in a relationship with Jong Hilario.(In my dreams of course!) The whole time, we were in love. However, as the dawn came to a close,I was faced with the images of snakes.A huge snake was held by someone upclose.I was very scared.There were vague images of other snakes too. My consciousness told me something's not alright.Betrayal, maybe.I remember what my mom said before.I stood up and bit a part of my door.Ahhh, I didnt know what I was thinking.I could only say my prayer of surrender after that.

I set the alarm at six a.m. but I still lingered in bed as I felt that my upper back was stiff and painful at the same time.I had it from my intense yoga practice.It's expected though.Breakfast was healthy.I had fried fish and vegetable salad.

I was contemplating on what to wear to church.I ended up changing outfits thrice.This is really me at times specially if the weather is unpredictable.Anyway, i decided finally to simply wear my Guess blue shirt and jeans with my 2 inch heels.

The eleven fifteen mass has started so i went directly to the adoration chapel and read some pages of my Reiki book. Believe it or not, I bought this book eleven years ago.I have read it several times but it was only today that I found it interesting and helpful.I guess Im ready to be healed and heal. The mass was alright.I did a little act of kindness by offering the seat next to me to a woman.It felt good being thanked sincerely.

I didnt know what to have for lunch.I was attracted to eat pizza so I bought 2 slices and went to the computer shop to have a document printed. The pizza I ate really made my stomach uncomfortable.What's worst was the korean food I ordered for the first time. I wanted to forget that dish.I went home feeling tired.I rested and watched my favorite TV shows. I was inspired by the Miss Universe third runner up.She's a woman with conviction.A very smart one too.

I started to feel annoyed while having classes. I was conscious of my moods so I apologized to my two students. There's no better way to end the week than being humble.

Things are alright.My mood doesn't really waver much.My heart is peaceful. I was able to control useless thoughts.I talk to God literally at times. I have no one here but HIM, obviously.

I am hoping to write again.I want to focus.This heart wants to remain faithful.This heart desires to be more forgiving.This self longs to be better.

I thank my GOD. I thank the UNIVERSE.


Saturday, September 17, 2011


I'm up and about as Im writingg this.Though I feel a bit emotional due to my coming monthly gift, I need to say that my disposition today is generally fabulous. My night dreams since last night were so peaceful that I ended up waking up with a smile on my face. When I surrender to the HIGHER BEING, I feel lighter.

I arrived thirty minutes earlier at the shala. It was nice seeing earlier yogins doing their savasanas and asanas. Each breathed for life, I should say.Each breathed for gratitude. I also did mine. Starting off with few breathing, then stretching, followed by savasana then the asanas. My teacher introduced another two poses. My headstand still needed more hardwork. Nature, who assisted me, said that I was very flexible and because of that I had the tendency to lean on one side. True indeed. I need to get back to my 'bandaas'. It's very important to get my balance to stand still using my beloved head.

I loved being silly a bit with my new found yoga friend, Chona.I also loved chatting with other great women Shasheen and Reggie.I walked out of the shala filled with love and peace.

I continued the silencing at the mall's adoration chapel. Staying there for almost an hour was filled with bliss.Not  minding what lies ahead.Surrendering again.Letting that FORCE rule matters.

After the physical and spiritual exercises, I went straight to my favorite The Coffee Bean and had my tuna pandesal and Choco dip cookie for lunch.I also did some readings for my paper while listening to my ipod.

my tuna pandesal
choco dip cookie
Doing some food shopping followed.I run out of cash so I decided to use my credit card. I wish I had enough until the end of the month.

I already felt very tired and sleepy while I was inside the taxi.It's nice to be home.

At this juncture, I am watching the UAAP Cheerdance Competition.Eight great universities are showcasing their skills in this even.I am rooting for the Ateneo of course but I am loving the performance of the University of the Philippines. It was breathtaking. I am thinking of Jon, my yoga teacher. I know he's very happy now watching his flock.

It's raining still.The week is about to end.I am very glad I find peace in progress. I am loving my energy.

Here's for love. Namaste readers.

Friday, September 16, 2011


Today I am elated. My heart finds joy in the simplest conversations i've had with my students. Laughter engulfed my room.I am happy to be my crazy self again. I am glad I am able to sing melodies that's great. I am thankful my mind is more peaceful and relaxed. I dont know what has happended but i just woke up feeling good. My prayers arent intense.I just simply surrender to HIM my thoughts and feelings. I guess I have to claim this...Today I receive HIS GRACE. I am very thankful.

Here's to love and bliss.Om.

Monday, September 12, 2011

At least I am enjoying a non class today as my students are observing Choseuk.This is one of the most important holidays in Korea.

  Here is something from

Chuseok (추석) is by far the biggest and most important holiday in Korea. It is a time when family members from near and far come together to share food and stories and to give thanks to their ancestors for the abundant harvest.

This year (2011) Chuseok Day falls on Monday, September 12, but the holiday is observed for a total of three days (Sept. 11 – Sept. 13). For internationals, Chuseok is a prime opportunity to go sightseeing in the major cities since many Koreans return to their hometowns in the countryside, leaving the city attractions relatively crowd-free. Visitors need note, however, that many places (especially stores and restaurants) may be closed for Chuseok Day or the entire Chuseok holiday.

Before we get into Chuseok events, let’s take a closer look at what Chuseok means to the average Korean.
Chuseok (Hangawi)
Chuseok is one of Korea’s three major holidays, along with Seollal (New Year’s Day) and Dano (the 5th day of the 5th month of the lunar year) and is also referred to as Hangawi (한가위), meaning “the ides of August” (August 15th according to the lunar calendar).

Hangawi/Chuseok was the day on which Koreans, an agrarian people throughout most of history, thanked their ancestors for the year’s harvest and shared their abundance with family and friends. Although the exact origin of Chuseok is unclear, the tradition can be traced back to ancient religious practices that centered around the significance of the moon. The sun’s presence was considered routine, but the full moon that came once a month, brightening the night sky, was considered a special and meaningful event. Therefore, harvest festivities took place on the day of the bright, full moon (Aug. 15 of the lunar year).
Chuseok Customs
On the morning of Chuseok Day, Songpyeon (a type of Korean rice cake) and food prepared with the year’s fresh harvest are set out to give thanks to ancestors through Charye (ancestor memorial service). After Charye, families visit their ancestors’ graves and engage in Beolcho, a ritual of clearing the weeds that may have grown up over the burial mound. After dusk, families and friends take walks and gaze at the beauty of the full harvest moon or play folk games such as Ganggangsullae (Korean circle dance).
- Charye (ancestor memorial services)
On Chuseok morning, family members gather at their homes to hold memorial services (called Charye, 차례) in honor of their ancestors. Formal Charye services are held twice a year: during Seollal (Lunar New Year’s Day) and Chuseok. The difference between the two services is that during Seollal the major representative food is white Tteokguk, a rice cake soup, while during Chuseok the major representative food is freshly harvested rice. After the service, family members sit down together at the table to enjoy delicious food that symbolizes their blessings.
- Beolcho (clearing the weeds around the grave) and Seongmyo (visiting ancestral graves)
Visiting ancestral graves during Chuseok is known as Seongmyo (성묘). During this visit, family members remove the weeds that have grown around the graves in the summer season, a practice which is called Beolcho (벌초). This custom is considered a duty and expression of devotion and respect for one’s family. On the weekends, about one month prior to the Chuseok holidays, Korea’s highways become extremely congested with families visiting their ancestral graves to fulfill their familial duties. The graves are then visited again during Chuseok.
- Ssireum (Korean wrestling)
Traditionally, during the Chuseok holidays the strongest people in each village gather together to hold wrestling competitions. During the match, two competitors face each other in the middle of a circular sandpit surrounded on all sides by cheering spectators. The last wrestler left standing after a series of competitions is considered the winner and is named the village’s strongest man, taking home cotton, rice, or a calf as his prize. Today, Ssireum (씨름, Korean wrestling) competitions are held around the time of Chuseok to determine the strongest man in Korea, but the competitions are not as big a part of the celebrations as they once were.
- Ganggangsullae (Korean circle dance)
In this dance, women dressed in Hanbok (traditional Korean clothing) join hands in a circle and sing together. The dance dates back to the Joseon Dynasty (1392-1910) when the Korean army used to dress the young women of the village in military uniforms and had them circle the mountains to make enemy troops think the Korean military was greater in number than it actually was. The Korean army enjoyed many victories thanks in part to this scare tactic.
- Chuseokbim (Chuseok dress)
In the past, in preparation for Chuseok, the head of each household would buy new clothes for everyone in the house, including the servants. This custom is known as Chuseokbim and is still practiced today. These days, however, most families purchase clothing from department stores or boutiques instead of exchanging Hanbok.
Chuseok Food
Chuseok celebrates the rich harvest season when fruit and grain are abundant. Using the newly harvested grains, people make steamed rice, rice cake, and liquor.
- Songpyeon
Songpyeon (송편) is one of the representative foods of Chuseok. This rice cake is prepared with rice or non-glutinous rice powder that is kneaded into the perfect size (a little smaller than a golf ball) then filled with sesame seeds, beans, red beans, chestnuts, and a host of other nutritious ingredients. When steaming the songpyeon, the rice cakes are layered with pine needles, adding the delightful fragrance of pine. On the eve of Chuseok, the entire family gathers together to make songpyeon under the bright moon. According to tradition, the person who makes the most beautiful songpyeon will meet a good-looking spouse (if they are single) or give birth to a beautiful daughter (if they are married or pregnant), so all the members of the family try their best to make the best-looking songpyeon!

Namaste everyone!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Missing my space here

it's good to be spiritual dryness has still dwelt in me until now.i remember i'm forty years old days are equipped with the ups and downs of emotions.i am not actually enjoying the roller coaster ride i am into at the moment but i need to accept that my lot is filled with all the pleasant and not so pleasant practices are thankfully helpful.I am doing mysore for a  month now and im glad i am learning each day.

Hopefully ill chronicle my life soon again here.I have missed my space here.There are many things to be unloaded.I am just glad for another day today.I have learned much specially to be more humble.

There is more to come.


Friday, August 19, 2011



I am still on my spiritual semi retreat.It has been my fifth day of receiving HIM at the Eucharist and I am very glad I am doing it.There are still distractions each day but i am more conscious of my  weaknesses and surrendering to HIM is all I can do.

Part of my journey is reading Paulo Coelho's Warrior of the Light.It is a book that chronicles his notes on accepting failures, embracing life and rising to destiny.

Here's some of his thoughts.

Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle.
Every Warrior of the Light has at some time in the past, lied and betrayed someone.
Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his.
Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial reasons.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed that he was not a Warrior of the Light.
Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties.
Every Warrior of the Light has said "yes" when he wanted to say "no."
Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved.

That is why he is a Warrior of the Light because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is.

I am this Warrior of the Light and I won't give up until I am victorious. My life's  battles have taught me this.

Namaste, fellow Warriors of the Light.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

a gift..once more

please wait 2 seconds for an uncompressed image, or press Ctrl+F5 for original quality page

The sun has been smiling at me since I woke up this morning.It was not the case two weeks ago.I was down and trapped within me.I felt squeezed hard like a sponge and I thought I would not be able to get back in shape.I had a tremendous first two weeks of August.I didnt even know it was coming.My intuitive friend had read me right.All i had were anger, jealousy, confusion, fear, impatience.I didnt even know where in the world I would go.It was a very hard battle.There wasnt any more faith in me.I had only yoga to save my day.I was the totally lost JENNY.For two weeks I was trying to survive.I was still doing what I had to do.During moments of aloneness, I was helpless...then...

On a Sunday evening I decided to light my three candles.I cancelled my classes and turned off all the lights.Then I start to sit.For an hour I was totally uncontrollable.My breath was labored but I kept going.I had the most beautiful prayer in years.I had the best conversation with HIM.As I opened my eyes, I saw the sign.Literally, he gave me peace.In utter surrender I was just there.Letting everything go."I MISSED YOU," was all i could say.I have missed him like this.I have missed my maker BIG TIME.

My eyes were swollen as I woke up the next day. I didnt know that the long prayer I had was the beginning of something more.I started to go to meditate the next day until now.I have a great intention to ask.I made a vow to receive him in communion for 9 straight days.This is the third day.

Receiving HIM at the Eucharist is healing.I feel I am brought back to my spiritual journey years ago.He has always been waiting for me to come home to him. I thought I had been with him but I was wrong.He doesnt want me to talk more.He just wants me to be with HIM.I am slowly healed and I am getting there.I am freer again.I am slowly detached from my own ego.I want to be more selfless and He is doing his thing.

I can now write because I am alright.GOD is good all the time.The universe is true to its promise.It is always a relief to come home.I bet it's not easy.

I am grateful for the peace.


Thursday, August 11, 2011

Yes, I'm an Aries


Birth date: 21 March – 20 April
Symbol: The Ram
Birthstone: Diamond
Element: Fire
Ruling planets: Mars
Soul mate: Gemini
Strengths: independent, optimistic, ambitious
Weaknesses: moody, impatient, pushy
Aries is the 1st sign of the zodiac. Aries have a lot of energy. They are strong, athletic, and naturally beautiful. Aries make good friends, because they are honest individuals who are easy to talk to. On the other hand, they can be seen as close-minded. They don’t like to compromise. Arians are known for their creative ideas. They set high goals for themselves and aren’t afraid to take chances. The energy of these risk-takers rubs off on those around them. Don’t tell an Arian that he can’t do something! Like its symbol the ram, an Arian will push his way to the top no matter what it takes. They can sometimes take things too far and become physically aggressive. On the other hand, they get bored easily, and don’t always follow through if things are too easy. They enjoy hunting more than winning.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Nothing much again

I have barely one month before the submission of my paper for the  presentation but at this juncture I still couldn't see anything clearer with regards to my stuff.I feel a sense of resignation.There is just nothing except bits and bits of this and that.

I promise myself not get overwhelmed.I need not get myself sulk and get depressed over a paper thing.Still, the adrenaline is making its way to push me harder to write.It's just awful because I have nothing except bits and bits of this and that....still.

this morning i met another woman for another interview.I was looking for a married one this time but i ended having another single mother.I am still grateful for her though.It's a great meeting after all.

Now, i am not going to play the smart jenny here.Writing something theological is getting a bit exhausting.I will see what transpires each day before i'll hand in something to my mentor.I am resting my case to that HIGHER and WISER force.Inshallah, i will be able to complete what i have started.

Rest well everyone.Have a great weekend,


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Sentimental Moments

The weather has not improved much.The sun is still not up and about.The entire mood is kind of gloomy specially outside.It's a bit depressing, i would say.

My emotions are also challenged for the past few days.I tend to cry easily and I want to withdraw from people.I cried over something from the past.I was haunted by the great memories of a great love.There was no point for me to escape the moment.I have missed the relationship.I have missed the connection.I have missed what we once had.I acknowledged it once again.

The universe has been true to its promise to me. I wasnt left sulking at a corner and get paralyzed by the overwhelming sensation of longing over the person who's long been gone.I was still able to do my thing.I was still able to laugh with a friend while watching a great movie.I was still the same goofy me.

It's funny how something in the past can still get through me even after more than five years.I was contemplating what could have been the scene had i not let go.I had no regrets doing the giving up process.That was the greatest gift I could give him. Setting him free. It was not worth the holding on.It was always right to allow him to spread his wings. I am glad I did that after all the inner conflicts I was battling.

That was so long ago but my 214 has been haunting me BIG TIME.I want to reconnect with him but NO.I dont want to get in the way of whatever life he has at the moment.There are just things in life that are to be given up.It's sublime.

I dont know why I have missed him again.I dont know why I cried copious tears.Still, i felt so victorious knowing I had once met a great love in him.

I am now feeling alright.The weather has finally shown some positive changes.I wonder how he is.Still, life continues for me. I am  grateful for the nostalgia.It reminded me to be back home with him...even for a few moments.

I had once my great love...and it has made a difference in my life till now.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Wu Xia - A great film

I had the chance to watch this great film when I was in Singapore.At first, I was thinking it was just another boring low budgetted film.I have not been watching Martial arts movies for a while so I had no idea what this movie was all about.

We were seated on the first row just few meters away from the screen.I, all the more thought that I would not enjoy watching it.I was wrong.

The storytelling was great.With the subtitles, i was able to grasp what the story had to tell me.I love everything about each actor.The culture of the village was also transported to me. I was brought back to a time when I lived in a small town where each one knew one another.

The movie depicted simplicity and complexity rolled into one.It's subtle in its attack that I was captivated with the every line each character delivered.

More than anything else...I love the theme on ENERGY.

Yes, we are made of this.

This movie is not only about martial arts.It's about life,Specifically, the will to change for the better, the love for family, friendship, culture, tradition and LIFE itself.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Love-filled Saturday

It has been raining again here.Series of typhoons are expected to hit my country and it is not a good news, I would say. Despite this, life for the Filipinos continues.

Being at the shala this morning was heaven for me.I've met new kindred souls.It was pure good energy. Connie was our teacher and she handled  us well.I was totally awed at how my body has become very   flexible. She let me do the standing pose from my full back bends.Because I was overwhelmed, I ended up hitting my head on the floor.It doesnt hurt though.My second attempt was cool.I was able to stand with Connie's help of course.I was a bit shy as the other women were watching me.

My heart was glad too because a new student told me that I was very good. Connie affirmed that I was a regular practitioner and that I was blessed with flexibility.I couldnt agree more.My desire to embrace this lifestyle is paying off.I am certain the universe will lead me to inspire other women too.The mermaid in me is wanting to go on a yoga retreat someday.

I was craving for kimbap (Korean rice rolls) so I ended up dining at Duri, my favorite korean resto in Galeria.I had to pay my bills afterwards and called home.I was already getting so tired as I was still having my period.I did a lot of errands actually today but I was joyful.I had enjoyed my being self reliant.

Ipod's still playing now.Memories of me and my 214 are coming back.There's no one else in my heart but him.I know it was a BIG decision to let each other go but that was pure love.This heart if given a chance to fall in love again still wish to be in a place where purity and innocence abound.Yes, Love moved in mysterious ways between us.I pray he's alright.It has been 7 years.I am glad I had found my great love at a place and time that werent even expected.

There is always that mystery in loving.The wonder of being led to each other's arms...then let go.What remains is my heart that is so happy that I have met him.I have no regrets.I feel so blessed.I am grateful even after 7 years.

Stay in love everyone!Dont hold on too much.Real love happens when one learns to let go.


Thursday, July 28, 2011

Three Nights in Singapore

I have missed writing.I have been very busy the past few days.Specifically, I went to Singapore for a three day vacation with Reena and Jay R. I had a blast, I must say.

With Jay r and Reena upon arrival

It was my first trip abroad and I was a little jittery knowing that the Immigration officials might find reason for me not to travel.I was glad I made it without difficulty.It was just disappointing that someone who didnt know exactly about travelling had to scare us off but that was forgiven.

the skyscrapers

Travel was fun.After more than three hours we arrived safely.Jay R was already waiting for us.I love taking the taxi, the bus and of course the train. Food was also fantastic.I felt like I was still in Manila but it's just the cleaner and more peaceful version.I love people watching.It's a nice way to learn other culture.

My first bus ride

Visiting the temples was the best thing for me. I had the chance to meditate shortly at the Buddhist temple.Peace overwhelmed me.

There were friendships made too.I was being introduced to some of Jay r's choirmates.They were such good company.

at the Buddhist temple

The weather was humid i must say.Still, it didnt dampen my spirit.It was a great moment for me to be away from my computer for a few days.Forgetting that i had so much work to do was kind of surreal but that was what actually happened.I was also glad that i was able to do yoga in our hotel room.My two buddies also joined me.Jay r even did a backbend.What an achievement!

I arrived in Manila last Tuesday.I didnt get a good sleep as we travelled so late.It was raining profusely and as of my writing this, the sun has not been that generous enough.I am still glad I made it to Singapore.I am very grateful for Reena and Jay R for being very good to me.Their generosity is always appreciated.

I am looking forward for my next Asian travel.I hope i can make it to Malaysia for the conference.In shallah, yes!

Here are some photos of my three day escapade...

that's the Mandarin behind us

with reen while waiting for the movie (WUXIA) to start

green and red ladies at the poolside

infront of the Hindu temple
First food @a Thai resto--soft crabss...

yoga at the hotel

Reen and I eating ice cream's just a hot day!

with Rocio by the bay

Under my umbrella

at the airport, going back home