Saturday, October 29, 2011


I was with my brother last night for dinner with a bottle of red wine.We talked a lot about our family, our frustrations, disppointments, dreams and plans for everyone at home. I felt relieved having shared with him what I have been going through inside about this family. It was nice knowing we share the same feelings and thoughts. Most of the things discussed were circled on disappointments over the vicious cycle that has been going around for years. It is really putting a heavy burden on our chest. I was glad we talked again.It was good to know i have a brother out there.

I woke up today perplexed. Apart from my sore muscles from the intense yoga yesterday, I am totally burdened about my family. I know i dont have to but I cant help it. I felt annoyed and disappointed. Is this really what family is all about....Where everyone seems to just depend from you all their lives? Do i sound selfish?I feel I am not growing an inch when it's all about them. I dont know.Is there really a way out?Sometimes, Id rather forget everything. Sometimes I even think of why on earth could i not choose the kind of family I should be in. It's not for me to answer, I know. There are reasons why things happen. The least that I can do is accept things as they are and just do what i can do about some hitches. Less expectations , less worries.

My brother and I realized that our family has contributed a lot to the kind of persons we are to day. Our strong personalities have been influenced much by the genes that we have. There is nothing we can do about that. We just have to overcome those that are not pleasant. I am glad I have a strong faith in a Higher being. I guess He is leading me to the right direction.

I still need to grow each day and it's not a piece of cake. It means hard work. Family is always family. It's the only one I have . I just pray things are going to fine, really fine.....

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Coldplay - Fix You .....I'm loving it BIG TIME!

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I was watching the finale of You think you can dance 7 when a couple performed a dance using this as the theme.I exactly knew what I felt upon hearing it. GOOSEBUMPS! I felt I was carried away towards the heavens. i bet this song wasnt meant to be religious but i was able to attach a very spiritual meaning into it. Will there really be a man who would tell me over and over again that he'll try to fix me when I'm too broken?

Just recently an ex came back and tried to persuade me that he loves me still.funny because I knew his intentions weren't sincere. How could he be when he is in a relationship now ?I knew he wanted to manipulate me again to satisfy his greed. Ladies and gentlemen, this woman would not allow any man to hurt her.Anyway,going back to the song.....

There is healing in this song. A human heart that's frail is capable of being strong when someone is willing to help. Friends, family, anyone who has the capacity to be there in our brokenness. I was struck with the word..TRY.. This earthling promises that she'll do her best to help until the very end,

The brokenness in this world abounds. I am reminded of my moral obligation to serve in my own ways. As a teacher, I am always trying to fix people.I will not stop. For as long as I live and until there is a soul that's going to need me, I will help fix them.


Thursday, October 13, 2011


i love humanity. watching reality shows always touch my core. through these, i am being grounded and am more appreciative of what I have. This episode has crippled me BIG TIME. Complaining about life that's not being fair to me at times, I felt being slapped on the face by watching this. I am humbled.

What has his story spoken for me? A lot, actually. Life isnt that cruel after all.Things happen for good reasons and most often the reasons are for the best. This guy and his story should serve more than just a lesson. There is always life after all the strife. Stop Complaining.

He may not be the winner of the show but HE has already won the hearts of everyone.That is even more than just the fame.HE is a WINNER for he's survived life's toughest moments.

I am glad. I am grateful.

"Imagine there's no heaven....then we should make one here."


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Things I am grateful for this week

Everyday is a new day for me.I am always thankful for the LIFE  despite my being unworthy. More than anything else, this week has been a very blessed one. I couldnt even imagine I have received more than I expected.

Startng off with my paper for the conference in Malaysia. I thought I would not be able to make it for it took me almost a month to go back to writing again. I was even telling God that I would not go. I was feeling hopeless and depressed for a while but I was suddenly brought back to my senses. I didnt know how and when it happened but here I am happy to share that I have already submitted my final paper. I am grateful for the wisdom and most importantly I am grateful to my adviser who never gave up on me. In her own quiet ways she has inspired me to write for I know she has deep faith in me. Because of this upcoming activity I was able to be reunited with a classmate.We have booked our tickets and we're just waiting for the final date. I am very happy for this blessing.

I have also spoken with my parents and there was forgiveness that happend. My father is always the forgiving type. Despite my being an unworthy daughter at times, he always has good words for me. Mom may not be as expressive as dad but i know she cares too. I just need to be able to understand them.My very imperfect family loves me more than I know it. I am grateful for this.

I am also thankful for the trust given my few friends. I am claiming victory today. The universe has done its part successfully. I am very glad for all these.

This heart remains joyful and peaceful.


Monday, October 10, 2011

Checking in

I was my bad self again few days ago and it has caused tremendous impact on my family.I felt hopeless knowing everyone seemed to be my enemy. This heart only wanted to talk to them about issues that could have healed me and everyone but I ended up causing havoc. I was hurt yes, but I have hurt them more. There was hatered. I dislike everything that happened but  my unhealed wound seeks healing. My inner child has been wounded a long time ago and it has been calling me to confront my family specially my mom.I guess it's useless.My family is a stubborn one.I can only pray. A part of me is desperate to talk to them but i know they wouldnt really understand. There is only that saving grace. I hope I have been forgiven.I hope have forgiven too.

Life goes on with me here. Alone doing my stuff. I love the gift of joy despite the trials. No one can take this away from me. This soul has peace within and no one can disturb it. I maybe wanting healing but each day brings me closer to that. I have still reasons to smile. IN fact i've got many.

It's a moonday soon. I know why I am affected.

Sleep well.Namaste!

Monday, October 3, 2011


The  weather is still disturbing and more so my cough. It's a good thing there's another holiday in korea so many of my students didnt study today.This cough has been with me for a while eh.Despite the bad weather, I still went to school to enrol for thesis writing. I am hoping and praying I will really make it this semester. It was a great relief to be allowed to borrow some books even if the semester is ending. It pays to be assertive.

I was pissed off again in the afternoon. What with my phone bill's running and it reached above the limit. The funny thing is I havent even used it to call. It was so disppointing to know that I was redirected.Gees, I guess i have to have this line cut.USELESS!

I want to start reading and writing so no more useless preoccupations. Help me God.


Saturday, October 1, 2011

Saturday to behold

We are faced with another typhoon.Life for many people in the Luzon area is still in a verge of collapse after Pedring hit their places and here comes Quiel who is in his own way threatening too. Dams are overflowing so they need to be opened. Because of this,a huge amount of water flooded a bigger portion of Bulacan.It was more than a year ago when I was into such a demise. I was once a victim of this similar disaster.Life is cheap , come to think of it.

I still have my cough and runny nose but I decided to go to the shala.I havent even dared to do any yoga practice after last Saturday because my body doesnt really welcome it. I was glad but a bit worried that I might end up coughing inside the place, thankfully I wasnt. The place was packed with yogins.I saw our only male buddy. The space wasnt that wide so I ended up controlling arm stretches. I loved the energy. I love the chit chats after the practice. I loved being playful with my my teacher. I loved being with great energy.

It was already windy and drizzling when I went out of the hotel. My knees were very weak so after withdrawing money, i went to my favorite Korean resto and ordered Gimbap (Rice cake).I was full but i was not really comforted . My nose was clogged and my body's very lethargic. I guess It wasnt a great idea practicing tremendously. I needed to buy some food so I tried to be stronger. On my way home inside the taxi, I was in a terrible shape. I wanted to throw up.I wasnt well.Upon arriving home i felt like crying due to fatigue.

I lay in my mat at got ready for the UAAP game. It was a great one.In the end, the Ateneo Blue Eagles emerged the champions. Four straight years and I guess still counting. I couldnt help but scream.That was enough reason for me to feel better.Until now, Im fine. Laugher added up to healing. Thanks to my students specially Cindy.

I am beginning to read and I will really write. I will enrol my paper on Monday. May the spirit help me bring it on.

Ohhhh, Mom called to thank me today. I wasnt able to talk more due to my cough and I also had classes. I felt good, though.

I was supposed to hear mass to commemorate St. therese of the child jesus' day but i wasnt able to. I uttered my novena prayer to her instead. The two of us aren't done yet with my request. This little saint has a big heart, folks. Amen.

I am parking now. Life is alright today. I am grateful and resigned. There is a God who knows what He is all about.