Sunday, April 21, 2013 it for real?

With my classmates and professor in Theological Research

I have survived the first two weeks of PhD program in Theology.It was honestly a roller coaster ride for me as I still feel like an alien invading an unknown territory. Being with classmates who  more or less have background with Theology stuff, I  categorize myself as an underdog. My one year teaching experience in the field doesn't suffice. There seems to be many things I have to learn. Doing discourse analysis is tough.I had a hard time connecting theological matters.

What am I doing here? was the very first question I asked the group in one of our classes in Biblical research. I was just very overwhelmed. My classmates are great people to be with.The professors are nice, so far. Still, I feel this is not really for me.

It's summer and I have nothing BIG to do so I decided to give this study a go. The school is also generous enough to grant me free tuition and some  monetary subsidy. I am blessed certainly. It is just too heavy for me. I feel like I have to go back from scratch.

Is this really for me? I still could not reconcile the idea that I am trudging this path. I dont know if I am resisting but I really wish I could go back to teaching English.

 Tomorrow is another day in school. Another subject.another professor.

Oh , Universe, lead me please.


Monday, April 8, 2013

Yes, that Mexican teacher is good

Today is a holiday and I decided to join the practice at the other shala. I was hesitant at fist because I had a feeling that the place was not convenient for me. Connie, my guru, was kind enough to pick me up so i really had no choice but joined her.

The universe had  its own way of unfolding surprises to me. First surprise was for me to be in a shala that's not familiar.Not to mention the bikram state of the room. I was already profusely sweating just by doing my suryas. It was also amusing to see that I was literally in a place where mirrors were all around.I could see myself from my downward dogs and binds.Nice.

The teacher (a mexican and whose name is arne) roamed around the place while checking on us. He was , as expected , gentle in his adjustments. He didnt anymore let me do the second series. Instead he asked me to do backbends. He asked me if I could do drop back, I said yes.

I had always this hesitation to come up without the wall thinking my legs arent that strong yet.You know what? I didnt know how he did that but after assisting me to come up, he left me on my own and God, I was able to come up alone.I was so happy that I hugged Connie who was beside me. I could not contain my joy so I was literally jumping. The mexican teacher just  smiled from afar.

He was there while I was doing my forward bends. God, I was really so happy.

It was a hot day yes. My face was literally red and sweating but I could not believe there's that huge surprise for me. My coming up from my backbend.

I thanked teacher Arne before I went home.I will never forget him. I will be back to practice with him for sure.

Yes, he was good,Next to Jon, I guess I have found another guru.(at least for a few weeks)..


Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Yes, I'm 42

I am blessed.I am almost going to be fifty.( 8 years from now)
Today, I am 42.I am still alone but happy.I am not saying there are no hitches because there are. In fact, countless of them but life as I see it has opened up better doors for me. There are chapters finally closed. There will be many to be unfolded. In the midst of the

goodbyes and hellos, I am constantly grateful for this borrowed life.

I am uncertain where to go and what to do. Despite this, I just trust my heart that the Universe will bring me to places that I truly deserve. I trust that it will lead me to people that I truly need.

I am just happy today. It is all that really matters.