Thursday, September 29, 2011

Not a good month ender eh...

End of the month..
    I thought I would end it right but I was wrong. Neighbor's visitors were very noisy.I am still wanting rest but they had a blast talking, shouting and playing loud music. I didnt know any of them so I decided to inform my landlady.
  My sister sent a message.I was irked. I could only think badly about any message from them. My mind and heart are still not open.I am tired of giving all the time.May God forgive me.
  I thought my readings will be smooth but because of the above mentioned stuff, my energy seemed wasted for nothing.Now, i need to rest..
 Hope to practice tomorrow.
 UAAP game 2 then.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Bad Weather...Bad Cold

The wind is terrible.It has been like this since yesterday. What's worst is that I am sporting a cough. My throat hurts much and I have chills. Still I have no choice but to teach. The rain is unstoppable outside. I have not much food stored at home. I was trying to experiment on my new phone so i ended up changing the language into something i dont know.Now i dont know where to go to change it to English.

It has been more than a year ago when Ondoy hit my place big time. I just pray things are alright this time. Sometimes i choose not to watch the news. It affects me so much to know the many damages brough about by calamities like this.

How's my family?I really dont have  any idea. I didnt call nor send them a message. I have really nothing to say. I dont want to sound indifferent but this is how i feel now.

Anyway, I am getting by with my condition.What with the bad weather and all. I have to work and move to survive.


Sunday, September 25, 2011

On conversion-----Daily Examen 6

The Parable of the Two Sons
    28 “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’    29 “‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.
   30 “Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go.
   31 “Which of the two did what his father wanted?”
   “The first,” they answered.
   Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. 32 For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.

Matthew 21:28-32

New International Version (NIV)

      Most of the time I am caught between goodbye and i love you, between yes and no, between forgiving and hating...and my list continues.Life for me is a matter of saying yes and no. Options are laid before me each time.Some options seem less sensible than the others.Some promise to yield good results. Some choices could also break or make me. How do i know that I am making the right choices?the right decisions? How do i know that I am doing what my Father tells me? These are hard questions that actually confront me most of my days. The gospel today is a clear reminder for me to check my response to life's demands of /from me.
   The parable of the two sons is a classic example of saying something and doing the other thing. At a first glance one would mistake the second son to be an obedient dude.While the other one would be labeled a rascal. What happens in the end is the total shift of attitude. The first son eventually emerge the obedient one while the other not. 
  What the first son displays is a total conversion. This act reflects the son's realization of doing what his father wants because it's the best option there is. I know that if the story had been lengthened, it would show that the son's change of heart doesn't happen overnight. I would guess he would have sleepless nights thinking of whether or nor he should do what the old man wishes. I guess too that he has a lot of doubts regarding his first and second responses. When he finally did the will of his father, i bet his heart found bliss.
  Doing the will of the Father is no piece of cake. It means giving up one's own priorities. It takes a lot of sacrifices to do good.It is always tempting to stay cool and laid back and pretend everything in this world is made of gold.It's easier to sit idle and not react to the world's needs but i believe we are not only made to enjoy life's grandeur. There are great responsibilites in store for us.Whatever response we give out is a manifestation of the kind of hearts we are made of.
  I am a stubborn ram at times. I know I have been a disobedient child but today's gospel allows me to check where I am at the moment. I am definitely sure I am still on the process of conversion. I desire sanctity of spirit though. I have failed so many times but there is no giving up. My God is patient to wait for me to be whole.I am getting there. He is my refiner's fire and I know He is not tired of me.
  Conversion is an endless process. The priest said that words are cheap. What we need are great deeds to sanctify the world. Simply said, action indeed speaks louder than words.



Saturday, September 24, 2011

All Great! ( Daily Examen 5)

I finally have my monthly guest.It visited me yesterday actually while I was very busy processing the renewal of my passport at the Department of Foreign Affairs. I have to say that I like better the system this time and the new place is also more presentable and well ventilated. Kudos  DFA!

I had to cancel my afternoon classes yesterday for I needed to take my late lunch at the Robinson's galeria. After having my favorite tausi fish and tofu with rice, i went to the Smart Communication wireless center to air out my complain about me being redirected because they claimed I didnt pay my bill. I was so agitated that I acted  very uncontrollable while waiting for my turn to be heard out. My anger I know was magnified because of my period. There were other customers who looked at me perhaps trying to console me or feel my lament. It was just very unfair to be cut despite the fact that I paid very early. It was very disppointing to know that it's their system that  failed but I am loving my customer service representative though.  She's sincerely apologetic in behalf of the company. I couldnt help but be calm again and try to make her feel comfortable with my presence.I apologized to her also and explained why i acted that way. I have to claim that I have found a friend in her. Actually there were already two of them. I was glad things were well taken cared of.It always pays to be assertive.

I have learned that it's good not to practice if one has her period. and if one does, she has to skip inversions. I dont know if i was stubborn or just simply determined. It's my heaviest flow but i went to the shala and did without  skipping the poses i had to execute. I was so fearless that I even did the headstand. My energy was just so huge that i didnt feel any strain in my arms or back. I guess the universe allowed me to practice today since I havent done any for the past five days. I am very grateful until now.

It's always nice to chat with my fellow yogins after the practice. I love being surrounded with great energies. They make me survive the full week of working alone.

I am also elated having watched the first game of the UAAP finals. I thought the Ateneo Blue Eagles wont make it as they were behind during the first half but they made it to the win giving the FEU Tamaraws a great disadvantage. I was cheering the whole time like crazy while watching it alone in the house. I'm always a fan of great games.

Life is generally awesome this week. I am glad I was also able to help a friend. I guess I have done something to make my life worth living. Basically, I am peaceful and joyful. I would like to thank my God for not abandoning me all the time. He always sticks with me when everyone else left.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Daily Examen 5

Call it Grace or blessing or both...I have experienced them today.I am very heavy now. Mood swings were few but everytime I snap a bit I don't really feel good.I dislike being annoyed over silly stuff but i just cant tell my hormones to cool down at times. I misjudged a friend earlier but I am glad I was able to let go of it. I was sorry for not being very patient.God knows my mind works wonders this time.(overstatement!)

This heart is grateful that I am beginning to write my paper again. Specifically, I am continuing my draft for the coming conference in Malaysia. I am happy to find some good readings. I am hoping for the best. I am looking forward for another travel opportunity abroad. There is always the Universe who leads me where I am supposed to be.

My thoughts arent that busy with negativity today. There were some moments  that I was tempted to stop and entertain past events and then get angered by them but I was always brought back to the NOW. I am glad God watches over me specially during this stage.

I am generally at peace today. I am more aware of my actions and thoughts. I am more conscious of my feelings. I am happy and grateful for today.


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Daily Examen 3-4

Noteworthy of my adventures since yesterday is my ability to snap easily. I know I have generally a great deal of patience.It would take me a while before I lose my cool. I am a patient teacher but because I am not quite the sane woman today, there are few instances in my dealings with my lovely kids that I tend to get annoyed.I am not comfortable being like this but I need to forgive myself more. My hormones are very disharmonized already.

I have been exchanging messages to the person whom I considered a good friend many months ago. I realized that I am really angry at what she and the other woman did. I thought I was alright backing off but telling them what I truly feel is a different story. I just have to stop communicating.Saying my piece allowed me to be  doomed to judgment.I am just happy I sent my message across even if it was interpreted the other way around.

I reflected on my friendships.There is always that cycle of letting go's.I couldnt handle injustice.I dont want to spoil people.I know I am very different from the rest.I feel at times that people get to abuse my kindness to the point of not anymore thinking about what I would feel. I guess I need to pause.Real friendships don't make one stay at the losing end.I still believe in equality.

I still am not talking nor calling home. I feel im still trapped at the kind of family that I have. I need clarity of thoughts. Right now, I am just feeling that they just need me financially.I am really tired of giving. I want at this point to also receive something even just a little.I am very sorry to my God for feeling this way. I know there is no stopping generosity.I need HIM to touch my heart and make me a genuinely generous person towards my very own family.

I still need healing now. As my monthly guest approaches, I am getting more monstrous in a way. I want to do yoga practice but my body says NO. I can only afford few breathing and meditation.I am where my body is right now. I am doing my daily thing but I really just want to sleep.


Monday, September 19, 2011

Daily Examen 2

My body's very heavy now.I am retaining a lot of water.Got a message from a friend before.She wanted to regain the lost friendship. I had to tell her what I truly felt.After a while, I was able to honestly articulate why I decided to back off. I wished her and the other the best. When the friendship is meant to be, the universe aligns the energies again.

I had my hype when i got a prompt from my mobile company that I was redirected because I wasnt able to pay the month's bill.I was beginning to yell at the woman on the other line. Why on earth will I be redirected.I paid earlier than the deadline.I was so pissed off that I cut the conversation. I tried calling to get more mad but no one answered.I know God doesnt want me to be destructive. I did feel being treated unfairly. I wish I had the patience to wait till I get to the bottom of things with this company.I wish I were not angry that time.

I am glad to converse with an old friend and a student.I am glad to be with my students. I felt bad for Glala though.I knew I made her feel uncomfortable this morning. My mood swings are beginning to be evident. I need to hang on. May God strengthen me more this time of the month.

My mentor communicated with me about the upcoming conference.I told her I was so demotivated to write.I knew I shouldn't have said that but that's just the truth. How in the world will i be able to join the conference with my state like this?How will I be able to defend this semester and graduate eventually? I need HIS inspiration and wisdom. I need to focus more too.

Despite the highs and lows of my emotions today. I am very much grateful for today. A student told me she missed me and will start to study again tomorrow.There is another potential student recommended. I am still able to laugh and eat. I am still able to watch good shows. I am still able to do my chores.I am still able to sing good melodies. I am still able to fight the good fight of being good.I am very blessed!

The day is about to end. I have one more student before I'll go to bed. This heart is glad for today. My worries and troubles are many but My GOD is BIGGER and my blessings are MORE!

Namaste !

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Daily Examen 1

It's a Sunday.I am entering the most crucial week as my period is gonna be visiting me soon. My night dreams were good. What with the famous artists participating in my dreamworld.Funny and cute as it may sound, I was totally in a relationship with Jong Hilario.(In my dreams of course!) The whole time, we were in love. However, as the dawn came to a close,I was faced with the images of snakes.A huge snake was held by someone upclose.I was very scared.There were vague images of other snakes too. My consciousness told me something's not alright.Betrayal, maybe.I remember what my mom said before.I stood up and bit a part of my door.Ahhh, I didnt know what I was thinking.I could only say my prayer of surrender after that.

I set the alarm at six a.m. but I still lingered in bed as I felt that my upper back was stiff and painful at the same time.I had it from my intense yoga practice.It's expected though.Breakfast was healthy.I had fried fish and vegetable salad.

I was contemplating on what to wear to church.I ended up changing outfits thrice.This is really me at times specially if the weather is unpredictable.Anyway, i decided finally to simply wear my Guess blue shirt and jeans with my 2 inch heels.

The eleven fifteen mass has started so i went directly to the adoration chapel and read some pages of my Reiki book. Believe it or not, I bought this book eleven years ago.I have read it several times but it was only today that I found it interesting and helpful.I guess Im ready to be healed and heal. The mass was alright.I did a little act of kindness by offering the seat next to me to a woman.It felt good being thanked sincerely.

I didnt know what to have for lunch.I was attracted to eat pizza so I bought 2 slices and went to the computer shop to have a document printed. The pizza I ate really made my stomach uncomfortable.What's worst was the korean food I ordered for the first time. I wanted to forget that dish.I went home feeling tired.I rested and watched my favorite TV shows. I was inspired by the Miss Universe third runner up.She's a woman with conviction.A very smart one too.

I started to feel annoyed while having classes. I was conscious of my moods so I apologized to my two students. There's no better way to end the week than being humble.

Things are alright.My mood doesn't really waver much.My heart is peaceful. I was able to control useless thoughts.I talk to God literally at times. I have no one here but HIM, obviously.

I am hoping to write again.I want to focus.This heart wants to remain faithful.This heart desires to be more forgiving.This self longs to be better.

I thank my GOD. I thank the UNIVERSE.


Saturday, September 17, 2011


I'm up and about as Im writingg this.Though I feel a bit emotional due to my coming monthly gift, I need to say that my disposition today is generally fabulous. My night dreams since last night were so peaceful that I ended up waking up with a smile on my face. When I surrender to the HIGHER BEING, I feel lighter.

I arrived thirty minutes earlier at the shala. It was nice seeing earlier yogins doing their savasanas and asanas. Each breathed for life, I should say.Each breathed for gratitude. I also did mine. Starting off with few breathing, then stretching, followed by savasana then the asanas. My teacher introduced another two poses. My headstand still needed more hardwork. Nature, who assisted me, said that I was very flexible and because of that I had the tendency to lean on one side. True indeed. I need to get back to my 'bandaas'. It's very important to get my balance to stand still using my beloved head.

I loved being silly a bit with my new found yoga friend, Chona.I also loved chatting with other great women Shasheen and Reggie.I walked out of the shala filled with love and peace.

I continued the silencing at the mall's adoration chapel. Staying there for almost an hour was filled with bliss.Not  minding what lies ahead.Surrendering again.Letting that FORCE rule matters.

After the physical and spiritual exercises, I went straight to my favorite The Coffee Bean and had my tuna pandesal and Choco dip cookie for lunch.I also did some readings for my paper while listening to my ipod.

my tuna pandesal
choco dip cookie
Doing some food shopping followed.I run out of cash so I decided to use my credit card. I wish I had enough until the end of the month.

I already felt very tired and sleepy while I was inside the taxi.It's nice to be home.

At this juncture, I am watching the UAAP Cheerdance Competition.Eight great universities are showcasing their skills in this even.I am rooting for the Ateneo of course but I am loving the performance of the University of the Philippines. It was breathtaking. I am thinking of Jon, my yoga teacher. I know he's very happy now watching his flock.

It's raining still.The week is about to end.I am very glad I find peace in progress. I am loving my energy.

Here's for love. Namaste readers.

Friday, September 16, 2011


Today I am elated. My heart finds joy in the simplest conversations i've had with my students. Laughter engulfed my room.I am happy to be my crazy self again. I am glad I am able to sing melodies that's great. I am thankful my mind is more peaceful and relaxed. I dont know what has happended but i just woke up feeling good. My prayers arent intense.I just simply surrender to HIM my thoughts and feelings. I guess I have to claim this...Today I receive HIS GRACE. I am very thankful.

Here's to love and bliss.Om.

Monday, September 12, 2011

At least I am enjoying a non class today as my students are observing Choseuk.This is one of the most important holidays in Korea.

  Here is something from

Chuseok (추석) is by far the biggest and most important holiday in Korea. It is a time when family members from near and far come together to share food and stories and to give thanks to their ancestors for the abundant harvest.

This year (2011) Chuseok Day falls on Monday, September 12, but the holiday is observed for a total of three days (Sept. 11 – Sept. 13). For internationals, Chuseok is a prime opportunity to go sightseeing in the major cities since many Koreans return to their hometowns in the countryside, leaving the city attractions relatively crowd-free. Visitors need note, however, that many places (especially stores and restaurants) may be closed for Chuseok Day or the entire Chuseok holiday.

Before we get into Chuseok events, let’s take a closer look at what Chuseok means to the average Korean.
Chuseok (Hangawi)
Chuseok is one of Korea’s three major holidays, along with Seollal (New Year’s Day) and Dano (the 5th day of the 5th month of the lunar year) and is also referred to as Hangawi (한가위), meaning “the ides of August” (August 15th according to the lunar calendar).

Hangawi/Chuseok was the day on which Koreans, an agrarian people throughout most of history, thanked their ancestors for the year’s harvest and shared their abundance with family and friends. Although the exact origin of Chuseok is unclear, the tradition can be traced back to ancient religious practices that centered around the significance of the moon. The sun’s presence was considered routine, but the full moon that came once a month, brightening the night sky, was considered a special and meaningful event. Therefore, harvest festivities took place on the day of the bright, full moon (Aug. 15 of the lunar year).
Chuseok Customs
On the morning of Chuseok Day, Songpyeon (a type of Korean rice cake) and food prepared with the year’s fresh harvest are set out to give thanks to ancestors through Charye (ancestor memorial service). After Charye, families visit their ancestors’ graves and engage in Beolcho, a ritual of clearing the weeds that may have grown up over the burial mound. After dusk, families and friends take walks and gaze at the beauty of the full harvest moon or play folk games such as Ganggangsullae (Korean circle dance).
- Charye (ancestor memorial services)
On Chuseok morning, family members gather at their homes to hold memorial services (called Charye, 차례) in honor of their ancestors. Formal Charye services are held twice a year: during Seollal (Lunar New Year’s Day) and Chuseok. The difference between the two services is that during Seollal the major representative food is white Tteokguk, a rice cake soup, while during Chuseok the major representative food is freshly harvested rice. After the service, family members sit down together at the table to enjoy delicious food that symbolizes their blessings.
- Beolcho (clearing the weeds around the grave) and Seongmyo (visiting ancestral graves)
Visiting ancestral graves during Chuseok is known as Seongmyo (성묘). During this visit, family members remove the weeds that have grown around the graves in the summer season, a practice which is called Beolcho (벌초). This custom is considered a duty and expression of devotion and respect for one’s family. On the weekends, about one month prior to the Chuseok holidays, Korea’s highways become extremely congested with families visiting their ancestral graves to fulfill their familial duties. The graves are then visited again during Chuseok.
- Ssireum (Korean wrestling)
Traditionally, during the Chuseok holidays the strongest people in each village gather together to hold wrestling competitions. During the match, two competitors face each other in the middle of a circular sandpit surrounded on all sides by cheering spectators. The last wrestler left standing after a series of competitions is considered the winner and is named the village’s strongest man, taking home cotton, rice, or a calf as his prize. Today, Ssireum (씨름, Korean wrestling) competitions are held around the time of Chuseok to determine the strongest man in Korea, but the competitions are not as big a part of the celebrations as they once were.
- Ganggangsullae (Korean circle dance)
In this dance, women dressed in Hanbok (traditional Korean clothing) join hands in a circle and sing together. The dance dates back to the Joseon Dynasty (1392-1910) when the Korean army used to dress the young women of the village in military uniforms and had them circle the mountains to make enemy troops think the Korean military was greater in number than it actually was. The Korean army enjoyed many victories thanks in part to this scare tactic.
- Chuseokbim (Chuseok dress)
In the past, in preparation for Chuseok, the head of each household would buy new clothes for everyone in the house, including the servants. This custom is known as Chuseokbim and is still practiced today. These days, however, most families purchase clothing from department stores or boutiques instead of exchanging Hanbok.
Chuseok Food
Chuseok celebrates the rich harvest season when fruit and grain are abundant. Using the newly harvested grains, people make steamed rice, rice cake, and liquor.
- Songpyeon
Songpyeon (송편) is one of the representative foods of Chuseok. This rice cake is prepared with rice or non-glutinous rice powder that is kneaded into the perfect size (a little smaller than a golf ball) then filled with sesame seeds, beans, red beans, chestnuts, and a host of other nutritious ingredients. When steaming the songpyeon, the rice cakes are layered with pine needles, adding the delightful fragrance of pine. On the eve of Chuseok, the entire family gathers together to make songpyeon under the bright moon. According to tradition, the person who makes the most beautiful songpyeon will meet a good-looking spouse (if they are single) or give birth to a beautiful daughter (if they are married or pregnant), so all the members of the family try their best to make the best-looking songpyeon!

Namaste everyone!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Missing my space here

it's good to be spiritual dryness has still dwelt in me until now.i remember i'm forty years old days are equipped with the ups and downs of emotions.i am not actually enjoying the roller coaster ride i am into at the moment but i need to accept that my lot is filled with all the pleasant and not so pleasant practices are thankfully helpful.I am doing mysore for a  month now and im glad i am learning each day.

Hopefully ill chronicle my life soon again here.I have missed my space here.There are many things to be unloaded.I am just glad for another day today.I have learned much specially to be more humble.

There is more to come.