Saturday, April 28, 2012

This too shall pass

"This too shall pass."

The heat that's biting every nerve in me.
The worries and fear.
The joys an triumphs.
The pains. The longings.The desires.
The anger. The excitement.
The ego.The pride.

everything , in time, ceases.

What remains then?

Myself.Purified.Reborn.New Me.

ahhh, can't wait!

Friday, April 27, 2012


The heat is excruciating and I am affected BIG TIME!

Aside from the fact that my bedroom is hellish during the midday, my mind is all the more out of reach at times. I am feeling disoriented. Much to my surprise, i am also bored and unchallenged. The aries in me wants to jump up.Wait, it's an understatement. I really would like to fly.

I am not in any position to call myself a great teacher this time. Talking to the kids online has already turned me into a robot-like human being. I feel very stagnant talking the same things over and over again to my virtual angels. It's not that I love them less but it is really more on the fact that I have missed so much being in the real classroom setting.

It was my choice to stay out of the academe for a while to give way to my theological adventure. Now that it's over (at least, my defense and all), my whole system shuts down. My thinking is very limited and my emotions blurry. I guess someone's looking for adventure here.

May the God of peace pour out unto me that light to see more than what is being laid  on my plate right now.
Call it another spiritual thing or beyond description.There is  one thing I am sure of . I am gonna get through this overwhelming ride of boredom and stagnation in time.

How soon, Lord? (Be patient, child.)

Monday, April 23, 2012

Just saying

This self is entering a new week with nothing but profound surrender to what's gonna happen. After my graduate degree, there is still the editing for the publication of my thesis. There is this sense of helplessness as I dont know where to get the finances to settle all my school accounts so I will be cleared. I have less students online and I am just having enough to pay for my bills and fend for myself. I am not in dire poverty but I need some amount for my obligation at home too. Anyway, I am always a believer of the Divine providence. He is always going to supply certainly.

I am so wanting to go back to teaching in the university or college. I want to be with students again for real. I dont know if the Great teacher will let me to this thing this time.I wish I would be given the chance to go back. Please Lord.

I am still missing the tingling sensation of being in love with love. ....(wink)

Just saying.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Envy or Jealousy

"Jealousy exposes fear of loss; envy hinges on feeling inferior."

So what do  these wise words connote? I guess, they just showcase that this is really a big case among us all frail human beings....that we are prone to that seemingly inevitable error of envy and/or jealousy.

I am a yogi and an aspiring theologian, yes, but these do not guarantee that I am exempted from feeling this mischief. I refuse to call it a sin in the real sense of the word. History tells us that we are all unfortunate enough to be handed down this envy /jealousy thing.

It is disturbing , moreso, it is  destructive both inwardly and outwardly. The world crumbles because of this. Jealousy jeopardizes relationship.It shatters man's belief in the good and it predisposes misalignment of the universe's plan for each one.

No one can cure this but us alone. I guess it needs practice to do that.

Here is something relevant for all of us. May we continue to keep going and make our hearts and mind pure and think only of the good. We are all blessed and there is no reason for us to harbor jealousy/envy.

 Envy vs. Jealousy 

Long lumped together by ordinary folks and scholars alike, envy and jealousy are not a single, formless "super emotion." On the contrary, they are distinct, with different components, and are in fact elicited by completely different situations and in completely different settings.

According to Georgetown University psychologist W. Gerrod Parrott, Ph.D., envy occurs when a person lacks another person's superior quality, achievement, or possession, and desires it—or wishes that the other person lacked it.

Jealousy, by contrast, occurs in the context of a close relationship when a person fears losing an important other to a rival—in particular, losing a relationship that is important to one's sense of self.
For all their distinctiveness, envy and jealousy sometimes occur together, Parrott reports in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Vol. 64, No. 4). For instance, when a romantic partner gives attention to an attractive rival, a person may feel both jealous of that attention and envious of the rival for being so attractive. And since jealousy involves the loss of a personal relationship, it's usually more intense than envy.

 Here's how envy and jealousy stack up:

o Feelings of inferiority
o Longing
o Resentment of circumstances
o Ill will towards envied person often accompanied by guilt about these feelings
o Motivation to improve
o Desire to possess the attractive rival's qualities
o Disapproval of feelings

o Fear of loss
o Suspicion or anger about betrayal
o Low self-esteem and sadness over loss
o Uncertainty and loneliness
o Fear of losing an important person to an attractive other
o Distrust

From A Devastating Difference By Hara Estroff Marano, published on January 01, 1994 - last reviewed on July 16, 2009@

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Cum Laude

Yesterday was a blast! After so many restless months, not to mention the irregular sleep that I incurred, I had finally made it to defend my thesis. It was a very emotional moment for me.
Surprisingly, when i did the opening prayer my voice broke and I was close to crying out loud. It was such a prayer of gratitude and supplication and I was just becoming very vulnerable.

Then I was called to do a 20 minute presentation followed by the dreaded cross examination.Father Caloy and Father Babor were gentle and kind enough to spare me from being grilled that much. Though there were points not fully clarified, I knew from my heart that i did justice to my work.

My mentor was so generous of her feedbacks and recommendations.I have never felt so loved and appreciated of my efforts.

Then the verdict was given after the closed door deliberation. I was declared cum laude and has just graduated with a Masters in Religious Studies. I was elated. My speech was emotional again. I cried and thanked everyone around. I was a totally new person. I was significantly welcomed into the Theology world with flying colors.

What was once only considered fun for me turned out to be another great phase in my life.I have scholarship opportunities coming. Then my paper to be published. Have I  really thought these would happen?albeit, no. I was only trying to learn more as a believer but I was given more than I deserved.

My heart is filled with love and gratitude. My family's glad. I guess the Universe has conspired with me again.

Yes, I am a feminist, a theologian, and a TEACHER!


With Father Caloy and Mam Agnes, great moral theologians

the assistant to the dean giving the verdict

listening, anticipating

being grateful to all of them

Monday, April 2, 2012

So it's my birthday

It's a maundy Monday and what a grand way to celebrate my 41st.
I heard mass today and I must say it was one of the most peaceful encounters I had. Great celebration!
I was reminded not to despair for the path to happiness is wide.
I had my simple lunch which comprised of seaweed and tofu soup and seafood fried rice. My family sent me a card and that had made me cried.
It' a new year for me. I have said my prayers of request and I am bent to hold on to the truth that the Universe has prepared something grand out there.
I am very touched by the overwhelming greetings I got from people.
Life is indeed beautiful.