Saturday, December 29, 2012

Getting there

I am wishing that by 2013 I'll have stronger arms and legs. Literally! I pray the Universe will bless me legs that can hold me steadily as I come up from my backbends. I also pray for stronger arms so i would be able to hold them still and straight while doing laghu and similar stuffs.

anyway, I guess I am getting there.In time, with more practice , I'm sure i will get there.

This is me earlier this afternoon trying my laghu.Thanks to my nephew who took this photos.


Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Sweet Long dream

I have been praying for a spiritual partner.That someone who can make my heart beat again like crazy.Someone beyond expression,.Someone I can be intimate with.Someone I am going to be totally free.

Like any other longing, the dreams that I have are manifestations of these.
I dream normally, yes.Like it is always an extension of me.
Earlier this morning while still in deep slumber I dreamt of someone I look up to. Man, that was  not the first time. The dream was so hugely real that I ended up waking up so peaceful and happy.

It was all about spiritual teacher .(I am not so brave to mention his name.) It was all about us hugging for the longest time. It was all about us longing to be together.It was all about Him hugging me and never uttering anything.Just hugging.So close.It was all about me hugging him.Closing my eyes and sleeping while embracing him tightly. No words. Nothing.Just hugging longingly. There was no need for words. We both knew how deep we cared and loved each other.

Then it culminated with him looking at me.Shaking.Hard on. Crying.Embarrased. Telling me he's scared we wont be friends again.I was hugging him crying too.I told him if he only knew how i felt too.

Dear God..we're crying and hugging.

I woke up praying.Thanking the Universe for another intimate dream. It was not the first time.Not the second either but the -nth time.

What could that mean?
I sent him a christmas greeting today.He greeted me back. I felt a bit scared. I really dont know.

There are questions in my head but I know there are no answers yet. I care deeply about him.He is a great mentor and friend. I know not why like this.Dreams of him like that.

May the universe lead me..


Sunday, December 16, 2012

Christmas with my kariton family:)

Even when there is a strain that connects me with my real family, it would not make me become less sensitive to those people who deserve to be treated with dignity.
I decided not to join our department's christmas part to give way for a day with the people on the streets. I was a bit tired the day before this encounter but it was all part of the plan of the universe that I should be there the next day up and about.

I didnt know what to expect as we journeyed towards Aurora boulevard. There we were welcomed by friendly faces who lived in their pushcarats (kariton). With my  comrades, Milet, Sister and Gil, we spent the whole day with our foster family, Erickson and his wife jaryl with their 3 month old baby girl.

It was a huge relief knowing the sun was very cooperative. We did our part as members of the family that day. We took turns taking care of the baby, bathing and putting her to sleep.

I guess the photos below would tell you how real joy permeated during that simple meeting. I am glad I made such a choice. Despite all that's happened with me, I am very complete knowing I have met people whom I considered my family.

The simple cart on the street has welcomed me as an authentic person. I felt so loved and accepted. I am not judged. I love being with them and I pray they will be blessed more.

Here let's look back at what happened that day.

that's the father erickson, man with dignity.Im with baby girl too.

authentic smiles overflowed

Gil and Ericksoon bonding time

every single trash is important for them

their abode:(

I pray you will have a better place to stay dear:)

but the laughters said it all. We built a family together.

just look at the big laughs

rare moments.i can die for this.

here..I am filled with love.

my new family


i am loving this and all.

goodmorning baby:)

the three of us with baby

Merry Christmas everyone.

Brother, no more

You know the feeling when you're being harassed, demeaned, offended, insulted, accused and what have you? It isn't cool, right.It is even worst when the person who did it to you is supposed to be your family..a brother at that.

So far, all the respect left for him vanished. I know he was provoked but that doesnt give him the license to treat me like I am the lowest creature on earth. Sorry but I have started loathing that we are after all of the same bloodline. I guess if there is really a GOD (I have actually started doubting again) then he/she/it would know how I was treated yesterday.

It's Christmas season, yes..but, I have to make it family has not been really those that  I am happy to be with.

I am just glad I have good people around.

I am still angry and I am scared even being attached to my surname. I am hating being with my family. This is wrong, yes.. but right now, i am hurt and I wont even give that asshole a chance to do that thing again to me.

Calling me names..he's the worst man ever.

May the Universe forgive me and bring me good energy. Om.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Ahhh the Moon

it has been days since its full bloom but the moon still rules the night sky at this juncture. If she could just read my thoughts right now,i really wish I would be freed from this emotional lethargy.I dont exactly understand but since she's stronger these days, I guess I just really have to find my center.I wish I could despite my cloudy mind. Anyway, see her from outside my window.

First of December thoughts

Yes it's December First and I am beginning to dread going home.It's not because I dont want to but I am scared I would still experience similar, if not, the same scenario way back. Just earlier today, we're again tested financially and it frustrates me a lot until now. I know there are always things that I cant control but my humanity sets in and that makes everything seemed hopeless.

The question as to whether or not there is  an end to the kind of thing I am feeling about my family is doubly haunting. For the love of peace I really wish each member knows what he/she has to do. I am already losing patience and hope. May God help me.

Despite this disturbance, I am so looking forward to life. My practice has been growing.Being in the second series, I am already doing laghu vajrasana. Admittingly, it was very difficult at first.I found it hard to straighten my arms as I bring my head to the floor.Ahhh, this is similar to my life. I bend everytime I have down moments. It is a joy to come up after that,of course.

There is that great friendship among my fellow yogins. I am still loving our lunches and good conversation.

Work is cool..not to mention tough when the director sets in for meetings. I'm learning to breathe more though. There is , however, a thought as to whether or not I'll continue here. I still want to do things on my own and be free just like before. Inshallah.

I am also wanting to find my spiritual partner. I wish I could meet him despite the tremendous strings of uncertainties.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.