Sunday, March 28, 2010

Why Have You Abandoned ME? (a recollection)

The priest yesterday asked the audience this question:"During Jesus' last moments when did you think he was hurt the most?" he was literally soliciting answers from the parishioners.the first answer came from the man seated in the front pew.He said that Jesus was hurt the most when the people shouted "crucify him." The priest added that yes, he did was hurt because the people who welcomed him to jerusalem joyously were those who also left him alone during those trying moments.Another reply came from a woman.She said in almost a whisper that Jesus was hurt when we sin.It was a nice answer said the the priest but he had to bring us to that context when Jesus had his last struggling moments.I was formulating my response in my head. I thought he was hurt the most when he felt his very own father had abandoned him.I was utterly surprised when an old woman confidently answered the same one i'd thought and the priest said that was the one he was waiting for.I almost choked myself to tears when the priest explained that Jesus felt so alone that time that he seemed to be overwhelmed with the feeling of being abandoned even by his own father.

alas, it was not in reality though.the father never left him.because jesus had carried all the burden of being tortured for the sake of us all, he felt that even the heavens that time was silent.when he was agonizing at the garden, he was i guess shaking with fear at the thought of dying.he had invisioned his death. the dread made him asked his father to take that cup from him.still, he acknowledged the will of the matter what, it would be HIS will and not jesus' that would prevail.i agree when father said that GOD allowed jesus to experience that certain human suffering to fully fulfill what his mission was all about.the meritorious love he did for our salvation was enough proof that we are loved by our creator despite our being undeserving.yes! God during Jesus' last moment was just there.Quietly observing that event because he already designed the path that jesus would trod after 3 days.

i have been abandoned by people for countless times.literally, some people left me without any good reason at all.some left because they felt i am no good for them.a few left because they have to face physical death.still there were those who left because they said that was the best thing to do.i did abandon some people reasons would be mostly because i felt they need to stand on their time my best friend in cebu was nursing a broken heart because her boyfriend left her.i had to take the ship to go see her.she was so glad i came.i did all i could to get to know the facts about what happend to their relationship.i could sense that she was getting so dependent on me fact she begged me to stay because she thought she couldnt make it through.i simply smiled and told her to go to the afternoon, i wrote her a letter.i told her i need to let her be alone.she has to stand strong without me so she could see where she would go.i promised i was just around and i would know if and when she really needed me.i told her she needed to learn to let go alone.i took the ride back to my city.then i called her. she cried and she understood.right now, she's one of the strongest persons i know.had i been with her physically all throughout she would not have seen the beauty of deciding on her own.for sure she knew i didnt abandon her.

someone kept on coming back and leaving me too and everytime he does that, i always become an inch wiser.during those moments when i felt so alone and coping i would literally cry in anguish to GOD.most often than not i would lament.I would question HIM.i would obviously ask HIM what's happening again.there is no sense trying to keep things to heart of hearts knows that i am not really alone.HE is just here jesus, i just feel that overwhelming sadness that i seem to really feel GOD has abandoned me.

the next time i am enveloped with sadness, i will just keep being steadfast knowing someone more powerful has suffered more than i do and i guess i would be alright.hope you do too.

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