Month ender write up

The moon is now waning but I am still tired. I had a a good practice at the shala last Saturday, though but my emotions up till now are still high and low. I am hit at times with sadness since I am way too far too even visit my sick father and attend to my family's ordeal. Calls are regular though but seeing and knowing how limited time there is for my father make me anxious to go home. I am hoping October arrives soon so I can visit during the break.

I had a confrontation with my landlady for the first time last Saturday. I felt I needed to say my piece since I had been experiencing inconveniences while  their house repair is going on. I was way too assertive that I ended up getting hyped up. A stone massage helped me eased my stress.

My mind, so you know, is confused. Thoughts come and go. I do entertain them at times but mostly I just keep myself busy with stuff. My heart is restless knowing it wants to find its way back home within. It is at this moment that breathing is very necessary.

I am counting my life at the University. I am counting months before I can rest from the hellish traffic. 

Where to after? Om shanti, shanti

Thoughts!

It's been a month. I honestly missed writing here. I have been tired since day 1 of the new school year. Travelling back and forth is a killer, not to mention the endless traffic. I have not been seeing the sun regularly. My practice has become shorter. I walk so much in school. My legs technically are tired. 

My father is getting older and sicker. I worry, yes but I need to be strong. I am the only sibling who is far.  I really want to start something new. Tough times.

I am still grateful though. I am alive and still able to teach. 

How about you? I wish you all well.

Namaste!

the yogin in me

Entering the second month of the new school year means more paperworks and lesser time to practice , at least on weekdays. This brings me to my second point then. My body. which was used to the everyday routine needs to adjust to short practices or none on weekdays. There are still more to these issues but who am I to complain?

Life continues for me. ...

Surrender, Let go, Bend and Live Life

It is still retrograding and certainly I am also still going slow and unsteady at times. There are still gaps in communication between and among the people I care about. The thought of making decisions concerning jobs online are still hazy. The episode continues...

Earlier today, I practiced with Sasheen at Joji's place. I was thinking at first I was that tired that I might not even finish the primary series. Lo and behold, with the warmth of the place and the sweat that's flooding my body, I was able to complete my full primary until yoganidrasana. I felt stronger and more flexible. I sensed a deeper grasp of the difficult poses because my breathing was steadier and more stable. 

It was amazing how I could do the drop back more than three times. What was more surprising was I was able to reach almost my ankles all by myself. Of course, I fell on my fourth attempt. I was really grateful. My yogi friends encouraged me to do it again. With Joji's assistance I did it for the last time. It was one of the most surprising feat of my being an ashtangi.

I have so much in store in my heart. I also have my worries about my family. I have my concerns about my job, my life partner, my plans and all but I guess despite all these human struggles, I know how to surrender. I know How to bend and to let go. I believe yoga has taught me that things happen but I need to live life because there is still so much beauty out there.

I am grateful for today. I am thankful that I was given the chance to let go and embrace what is in the NOW. 

I wish you well dear friends. 

Namaste.

Retrograding

I need to say that May has been a slow and emotional month for me. I just realized that it is already June 3 but my lifeline is still so filled with confusion and boredom. It is just amazing to know that I am still alright despite the slowing down of almost every aspect of my being.

There are standstills regarding my business or job ventures. Finances are getting lower each time, Family matter is annoying and stressful, I must say. My father is getting weaker each day. My practice this week has been paralyzed due to my weak body joints and colds. I just want to be laidback. I am a pig, as you know.

I only have more than a week of my summer break and University life is opening again. I am not at all looking forward to anything. All I want is to practice and go somewhere  where I am devoid of all the frenzy here and there.

The heat is still on. I am profusely sweating all the time. It annoys me unconsciously. 

Mercury retrograde is going to culminate next week, I just pray things will normalize. 

Despite all these, I am grateful I pass this episode. I wish everyone well and just stay grounded if you can even if it is seemingly hard

Om shanti, shanti

6 days with Teacher Mo

Photo grabbed from https://www.facebook.com/groups/1380430552272324/

                         
Life has been colorful for me this May. Aside from my everyday home practice, I subscribed for a 6-day mysore class with Teacher Mo at Beyond Yoga Libis. It was a great practice with him aside from the fact that the heat actually became my ally as it literally detoxified me.

I felt like a newbie in the shala though I had spent few days having self-practice there. It seemed a bit strange that I was practicing with mostly new set of ashtangis under the tutelage of a new teacher, at least for me. I was grateful that as the days went by, I was feeling more at home with my new space and fellow practitioners.

Generally, my 6 days with the teacher has been fruitful. I love how he made his adjustments on the poses. His presence was very commanding but gentle. One thing I noticed though was his being traditional in his approach. He would instill in us really the right way to do the pose and he would tend to get cute and funny when he reprimands those that defied traditions. I was honestly a bit scared doing other poses in the intermediate series as I was thinking he might give me such a hard time repeating them. Anyway, he was actually nice to me. I loved it when he respected my plea to be gentle doing the deep  backbends because of my scoliosis.

Of course, bakasana was a bit heavy for me as I was being disoriented as to how to do it. I guess that was where I stopped my practice with him. 

Today, I told him it was my last day. I thanked and hugged him because I was/am really very grateful. His energy was contagious and I would certainly miss his big voice while checking on us. 

The six days were really significant because I had the chance to meet other practitioners and shared the energies with them. I would surely miss taking the jeepney going to the shala but I have to move on and bring with me the things I learned from teacher Mo in my daily practice,

Someday, I will have more teachers to practice with but in my heart, I am very grateful that another good teacher has come into my life. Thanks Teacher Mo.

Namaste!

The Natural Push & Pull of True Awakening: Richard Freeman on Yoga

This is such a very subtle,laidback and unassuming take on how yoga can do a lot of wonders to anyone practicing it regularly. Richard Freeman said it all in a way that I am  in total agreement. Yes, it is only when we love others that will we become happy. I know from my own experience that there is always joy in helping those who need our help. Compassion is eternally something that we can offer to humanity. It is of course not easy but with constant practice of being sensitive to the other people's  plight, I guess one gets to connect. I love the reminder that yoga is all about linking.


We are all connected. Every tiny sensient being is directly connected with us and to us. Respect and acceptance then are important.



Namaste. Thanks for this dear teacher Richard.

Boredom and what it has done to me

It has been days since that poweful moon lit the entire hemisphere and it is still waning, I am still also experiencing my own moonday moments. I am literally bored these past few days. Certainly, this is not the first time I experience this boredom syndrome. Just like any active human being, time always gives me moments when I just wanted to literally STOP!

I practice everyday at home since I don't have any regular teacher on the weekdays. I like the feeling that my room has become my shala again. It is hot indeed so i opt to slice up my practice so as not to experience exhaustion. Room temperature in the morning is already "hellish."

My mind is empty for the most part of the day as I tend to be very conscious of my breathing but believe me---when you are at home for the whole day almost always there will be that tiny demons that will haunt you. And yes! I have mine too. 

I often stop to  think as to  where I am going. I have the dislike of going back to teach at the university. I simply want out and just be that free spirited being who will not be worried about the travel, requirements and expectations of people. I am less interested to teach Theology. 

My mind is filled with the desire of doing yoga more. I want to deepen my practice. I long to go somewhere and get myself taught by a spiritual teacher at least for a month. 

There is also the lingering thought of travelling and putting up my own business. I just have so much in my head.

Then I start to get worked up and bored about my state and it has become a dreadful state. Because of boredom, I also entertain thoughts and acts which are both sexual and sensual. Surprisingly, I am not feeling guilty or some sort. I just really don't like what's going on.

Then my bored self just got a little moment of epiphany today. After a good practice and a few chores at home, I started reading the book which I have bought some months ago. It's Donna Farhi's Yoga Mind, Body and Spirit. I just read her own take on the the the living principles of yoga and I feel like not going to stop. 

The Yamas and Niyamas which are the first among the ten provide me the chance to reflect on where I am in my living the yogic kind of life. I am slowly reminded about what matters to me in life and whether or not my life at the moment is what really makes me happy. My heart and my mind both are hooked because I know I am here at this stage because there is a reason. I need to undergo this journey of purification. 

The Yamas which are the wise characteristics for one to live a free life includes the following precepts:

1. Ahimsa-compassion for all living things

2. Satya- commitment to the truth

3. Asteya- Not stealing

4. Brahmacharya- merging with the One

5. Aparigaha- not grasping

The Niyamas on the other hand are the codes to live Soulfully. In includes:

1. Shaucha-purity

2. Santosha-Contentment

3. Tapas-Burning Enthusiasm

4. Swadhyaya-Self-study

5.Ishvarapranidhana- Celebration of the Spiritual

I am not yet done reading the precepts but one thing I know, I am bent to do a lot of growing up to do. After all, gold is always tested by/through fire.

The boredom that I have at the moment is not a mistake at all. I just need to find that spark once more to live the way  I should. Everything in life is perfected through practice. I am beginning to practice now.

Om shanti, shanti.

I did it!

The women, with James, outside the shala poses after our last practice with teacher Arne

One of the greatest gifts I got within my birthday month was the opportunity to practice regularly at the shala with teacher Arne. What seemed to be one impossibility just actually culminated today. Yes! I practiced ashtanga everyday (with rest days of course) for 3 weeks and I have been so blessed.

Everything went well. Even when there were discomforts at times specially with my lower back, I felt generally stronger and more fluid compared to my previous practices. As I dealt with my body everytime, I discovered that breathing well mattered so much. I have also relearned to be more gentle to myself and by doing so, the teacher resonated  to the way I cared about my body.

I loved how the guru adjusted me. I appreciated how much he also had grown in his approach to us, his students. He didn't impose things to me. He allowed me to grab my ankles when I was deemed ready. He pointed things that could make my asanas better but at the end of the day, it was always me that would teach my body to do the poses.

My constant coming to the shala also expanded my circles. I have gained friendships without my noticing it. The energy from the practioners was contagious. Even if we came from different walks of life, there was yoga that made us one. 

I am grateful for after practice conversation over lunch. Even a simple chat right at the changing room is beautiful. I love the yogic smiles of men and women who share the same passion with me. I am sure I will be missing the routine. 

Since yoga is also all about non-attachment, I' m letting go naturally any feeling of longing or the desire to be with the same journey. I need to move on and continue with my practice. I am certain at some point, we will meet again physically. Right now, I am just very happy and grateful I practiced. 

There will be more to come. 

Om shanti, shanti, shanti.

With my Teacher Arne

Lunch with the ashtangis with the teachers, Arne and James

Nate Ruess: Nothing Without Love [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

I must say this is LOVE! This guy can really hit notes like no other. This song is a tender reminder that life without love is nothing. Going beyond, loving may not only mean that romantic thing you have with someone but more than anything else it speaks of love that is beyond being a romantic. Love is love because that is what we all come here for. Without us giving and receiving this, our stay in this lovely world is one futile journey.

Happy watching. Thanks Nate for this.

Namaste!

on yoga and friendship

I survived 4 straight days of practice at the shala with teacher arne. This is something I rarely do for the almost 5 years of my ashtanga journey. Perhaps I am more ready to embrace all that I need to hurdle in this spiritual path. Everything is just coming as naturally as possible. One thing I appreciate about this week's encounter is that I am becoming more aware of what's gotten into me in almost all aspects of my being.

My good fear of being with this mexican yogi again slowly vanished as I am getting more aware of the kind of person that he is. I am beginning to let go of my delusions that hardcore teachers aren't humans in the real sense of the word. I am also able to extend and expand my circle of likeminds as I am beginning to embrace more practitioners whom I have not been practicing with before. 

Today is a revelation.The universe has always its own ways of bringing me to the path that I don't even expect I would be taking. Sharing meals with fellow yogins after the practice is always an exciting feat for me. What makes this day more beautiful is the fact that i get to spend quality time with teacher arne and james (another authorized teacher). 

Laughing and sharing insights and stories about yoga and life simply made this day worth remembering. I love how candid everything was. I am honoring the universe for bringing to me people that I really love to hang out with. I am glad I did not give up the practice. I am happy for choosing experience over things. 

I don't know what is beyond or before me but I know what  I need to do this summer and that is to simply live for the moment. I also need to rest more and think less. I need to practice more.

Right now,my eyes are tired and my body's wanting rest. Still, my heart is ecstatic for the accomplishment I have. I love yoga and i love my community.

Namaste everyone.

hello again

I have missed this space like i have missed going to the shala. I am getting the hype about life with all its tediousness. A lot has happened which could be considered fun also.

I just got certified as a TESOL teacher after 3 weekends of travelling to Makati and setting aside my decent practice. I must say the sessions were mostly refreshers for me. As usual, it's the people I was with that spelled out FUN.

Practice was short to none as my body needed to rest but i need to catch up. I have missed the energy and my likeminds.

School is good and irregular since we are celebrating our festivities. I'm dealling with people professionally and I make a vow not to succumb to negativity. I ignore as much as possible to linger because I still want to keep my spirit in tact. 

Where will life lead me this summer? What with low funds and all. Perhaps the beach or the mountains will do. God, I want to practice everyday.

It's ash wednesday today and I am looking forward for a holiday tomorrow.

Namaste everyone:)

Hello 2015

It has been 3 days since I entered another year. I still have been overwhelmed knowing that I am going to be a year older also come three months. Life really is going fast without my noticing it.

The first three days so far has been good to me. Despite my PMS, i am more emotionally sane and relaxed. My energy has been calmer. I am grateful.

There are few thoughts that linger in my head too. I wish to share with you that..

   1. I'd like to be richer this year. This is not because I want all the material comforts in this world but it is because I want to help more my family and other people.

   2. I'd also like to travel more-both here and abroad.

   3. I'd like to teach English more and leave Theology eventually. I want to teach the languages and literature and I want to write.

  4. I want to marry and I will with my spiritual man.

  5. I want to practice more and get myself certified to teach ashtanga.

  6. I want to meditate more, constantly, consistently, effortlessly. 

  7. I want to always be me.I won't let people and events control me.

  8. I will bend but I will not break.

  9. I will keep loving my family in my own way.

  10. I will be forever grateful-in my heart and in my mind,

May the Universe bless me. Om shanti, shanti.

Dreadful comeback

I am a yogin, an ashtangi, at that. I need to be reminded that whatever it is that I am going through is part and parcel of my entire yogic practice. I need to recognize the fact that my joy and peace aren't rooted from my job and from the people I encounter everyday. I can always find it within me. No one has the capacity to make things work for me without my permission.

My  break is almost over and I honestly can say that this is the first time that I dread going back to work at the University. I feel I don't anymore belong to the system. I wonder why everything became dreary. Is it just because of my hormones or is the universe really leading me somewhere better than where I am?

I need to be in a place where the energy is smooth, I am tired of the travel. The pollution is killing me. People's pretenses are very overwhelming.

I love my students but dear Universe, please let me love myself too.

Om,

A random trip

the heaviness that I feel is getting more overwhelming each day but this self is grateful for despite the ordeal, I still find any chance that I can get to keep myself grounded. Aside from few asanas each time, I do not  forget to stay closer to nature. Nothing beats the joy when you're home.

Yesterday, I visited a nearby park and I was so happy just by being there. Meeting few good souls made me feel more safe. I am very grateful for Kuya Roger, one of the gardeners there who became my photographer and tour guide. You see, the world is still very beautiful, indeed.

Here are some of the photos from Rave Rainforest Park in Pasig. Namaste.

                                     

first of november

While the others are busy attending to the holiday obligations like visiting their dead loved ones at the cemetery, I am simply pensive almost the whole time in my little abode.Juggling from doing simple asanas (actually all stretchings), doing the laundry, eating a lot of carbs with with fish, watching The Voice reruns, skyping with my family and teaching Efe, my whole day was basically all full. This is not the highlight actually. I am very hormonal and because of this I tend to be lethargic and emotional. Challenging ordeal, huh!

Despite this womanity, I still find time to remember in my own way those who departed specially my sister. I lighted some incense and candles and prayed that all the souls may rest in peace. 

I feel very grateful for Gerardo for allowing me to have a taste of a Mexican spirit. Here it is.

I am looking forward to a more peaceful and balanced days ahead of me. 

Om shanti, shanti.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN:)

New Moon thoughts

I am enjoying my sem break, thankfully. My body's still sore from my intense practice yesterday at the shala. I was really happy though for  I was able to practice with my favorite teacher after a few months of not seeing him. I was more focused yesterday on my second series. Those poses that require me to put my legs at the back of my head..Wow! I guess I did improve.I am grateful.

I had a morning class with my mexican student, Gerardo, since I was sporting a bad cold last night. The fifty minute online learning was both fun and tedious as it gave us both the limitation in terms of him learning how to say English words correctly. I can see though that he will surely succeed in this endeavor because he's truly dedicated. KUDOS Gerardo:)

So, there were three men who wanted to chat with me online today. I didnt feel the vibe. I had to let go. My longing to have that pure love isn't available yet..hahahha

Thoughts wander too, gravitating on both the good and the not so good. It must be the moon or my own lack of drive to go out.

Generally, the day is a clean one. My eyes are tired though.

This is just me trying to be boring on a new moon day.

Have a happy one. Namaste!

Just dropping by :)

It's been almost a month since I last parked in here. Things were tough since my sister went into treatment. Fate led her to leave the hospital. She's still in denial. All our efforts seemed fruitless. Right now, I guess she hated us, as expected. My mom got all the wrath. I am helpless. Still surrendering everything.

It's almost the semestral break at the university. I am so wanting to be free from paperworks, annoying people, toxic system and stressful travel. I am just so missing my students. Life  in the field is 80 percent love and 20 percent indifference. I just don't want to be  consumed by the system and negative people. I wish there are more like minds out there. I don't want to sound arrogant but I simply can't enjoy conversations that deal with people, money..ahhh, all negativity.

MY body, because of fatigue, is aching until now. My colds or shall I advocate this to my allergies, really got its toll on me. I have my runny nose. My head's heavy at times. Still, there is my mat which welcomes my vulnerable self. I am glad I have a place  to go home too.

I am grateful for all the people who made my first semester going. My students, my encounter with them, the hugs, the tears,the laughter.. all these matter to me. Now, I am teary. I am still bad at saying goodbyes. I guess I won't outgrow this.

Today, I am alone but my heart is peaceful. I had my practice this morning. I am glad my ekapada is getting alright. Kudos to my more opened hips.

I am listening to Billy Joel at Spotify now. I just love to be grateful.

Have a great weekend. Till next time.

Namaste.

Panic attack? :(

The yogic in me has been challenged for the past week. The body manifested signs of weakness as it was exposed to a lot of free radicals, particularly, smoke and body sprays of all kinds. It was surprising because after a very long time, I got to stay at the University infirmary because of a migraine attack. It was so bad that while having my class, I thought, I would eventually collapse. I was chilling big time while resting for a few minutes. I knew I was not alright.

Practice was kind of dragging and painful at the back. I had to skip drop backs for I felt that my middle spine was in pain. It was very emotiona. I just wanted to cry. Things happened and they kept happening at home and at work. Then I got panicky even when I was trying to breathe and relax. 

This is where I am at until now. My stomach releases a lot of gas. I am bloated too.

..but you know what?  I am still grateful because I am aware of all these. I know these  come to pass. My body will go back to its natural, relaxed and beautiful state. Everything will certainly be ok again. Inshallah.

In the meantime, I wish everyone, A happy weekend.

Here's something about panic attack for you. Click here.

Signs and symptoms of a panic attack. Click the link for more.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/panic_disorder_anxiety_attack_symptom_treatment.htm

Panic attacks often strike when you’re away from home, but they can happen anywhere and at any time. You may have one while you’re in a store shopping, walking down the street, driving in your car, or sitting on the couch at home.

The signs and symptoms of a panic attack develop abruptly and usually reach their peak within 10 minutes. Most panic attacks end within 20 to 30 minutes, and they rarely last more than an hour.

A full-blown panic attack includes a combination of the following signs and symptoms:

Shortness of breath or hyperventilation Heart palpitations or a racing heart Chest pain or discomfort Trembling or shaking Choking feeling Feeling unreal or detached from your surroundings

Sweating Nausea or upset stomach Feeling dizzy, light-headed, or faint Numbness or tingling sensations Hot or cold flashes Fear of dying, losing control, or going crazy

thoughts on a new moon

There are just some things in life that i need to throw away soon. Perhaps this includes my job in the university. It is painful just thinking about it but I feel like I am trapped in a place that I really don't belong to. There is just one thing that connects me here. It's always my love for teaching. 

It is funny how one is brought to a place so unexpectedly and teach a subject that she is not even accustomed to. I need to say that I am learning as I go along but I am surrounded with so much inauthenticity that I feel so suffocated. The value system is not just fit to what I have.  Work ethics is just way too different.

There is just gossip everywhere. There is too much judgment. A lot of rude people around. I am trying to follow a spiritual path but I feel like i am drawn far from it. I love humanity but there are just practices here that I couldn't swallow.

Yoga teaches me to let go. To avoid restrain.To stop pushing nor pulling and just let things be. If anything hampers my way back to my center, i think it's time to go. 

Ohh universe, help me. 

Om shanti shanti.