Friday, November 20, 2009

Just want to write

it is eleven twenty five in the morning and im still in MST waiitng for my next review which is unfortunately still in the afternoon.My first review was a short one since Father Lode had to rush to a book launching.He just gave me bits and pieces of what to include in my self-study.I felt a weird feeling though.I felt like a stranger to my own school.Maybe it's because i have not been here for a while after my final exams.I am thankful though i saw my favorite professors and few friends.I hang out with them for a while and now im alone hoping things will be alright in all aspects.

Life has been good to be generally of course.I still have my teaching which is always my lifeline.I still have the opportunity to do what i want to do each day with the people that mean so much to me.Still, there are areas in my life that need to be addressed to.Specifically, I am TIRED.I didnt know when this tiredness began.I just would like to sleep a lot and just want to take some time off away from what i am doing daily.I loathe this feeling but this is really what i am into.

Someone told me lately i need to be happy because he thinks i was not. I was stunned with what he said.i almost cried knowing he cared maybe about my life.I simply told him I can only define my own happiness.Perhaps i have missed something in my life but that doesnt mean i am not happy.I admit i need someone close but there is always a designed time for that.He wants me to cheer up.I really dont know what that means.I am definitely a cheerful girl.He wants me to forget the past.I could not.They're always part of my growth but i'd like to tell him i'm not holding on to it either.I'm glad HE came into my life suddenly.I wish to tell him i'm fine and really doing good.I am just tired.I have been giving off myself to others too much.I need to just recharge.I was so overwhlemed helping others that I forget I still have myself to take care of.

It feels good to be told someone is interested and is serious about me.In my heart of hearts i want so much all these to be real.I am taking my time.There are limitations to the relationship that is going on.Distance is one of them.Constant communication is another.There is the UNIVERSE anyway that would lead us to be together.I just dont want to put pressure to anything.I have been there and done that.I value more than anything trust and honesty.I can only have those when i let go of my selfishness.He already knows what i feel towards him.He told me the same.Let's leave it like that then.i like how it is at the moment.

Going back, i am still tired now but i know there are still more tired people at the moment. My friend just lost his mom and i saw him laughing already.How else will i deny myself of the same opportunity to laugh with him?I did goof up with him today and it felt great.Anyway, I am thinking of going back to my yoga classes.

I need to go out for lunch. Im thinking of having Tofu again.Thanks for reading.

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