Boredom and what it has done to me

It has been days since that poweful moon lit the entire hemisphere and it is still waning, I am still also experiencing my own moonday moments. I am literally bored these past few days. Certainly, this is not the first time I experience this boredom syndrome. Just like any active human being, time always gives me moments when I just wanted to literally STOP!

I practice everyday at home since I don't have any regular teacher on the weekdays. I like the feeling that my room has become my shala again. It is hot indeed so i opt to slice up my practice so as not to experience exhaustion. Room temperature in the morning is already "hellish."

My mind is empty for the most part of the day as I tend to be very conscious of my breathing but believe me---when you are at home for the whole day almost always there will be that tiny demons that will haunt you. And yes! I have mine too. 

I often stop to  think as to  where I am going. I have the dislike of going back to teach at the university. I simply want out and just be that free spirited being who will not be worried about the travel, requirements and expectations of people. I am less interested to teach Theology. 

My mind is filled with the desire of doing yoga more. I want to deepen my practice. I long to go somewhere and get myself taught by a spiritual teacher at least for a month. 

There is also the lingering thought of travelling and putting up my own business. I just have so much in my head.

Then I start to get worked up and bored about my state and it has become a dreadful state. Because of boredom, I also entertain thoughts and acts which are both sexual and sensual. Surprisingly, I am not feeling guilty or some sort. I just really don't like what's going on.

Then my bored self just got a little moment of epiphany today. After a good practice and a few chores at home, I started reading the book which I have bought some months ago. It's Donna Farhi's Yoga Mind, Body and Spirit. I just read her own take on the the the living principles of yoga and I feel like not going to stop. 

The Yamas and Niyamas which are the first among the ten provide me the chance to reflect on where I am in my living the yogic kind of life. I am slowly reminded about what matters to me in life and whether or not my life at the moment is what really makes me happy. My heart and my mind both are hooked because I know I am here at this stage because there is a reason. I need to undergo this journey of purification. 

The Yamas which are the wise characteristics for one to live a free life includes the following precepts:

1. Ahimsa-compassion for all living things

2. Satya- commitment to the truth

3. Asteya- Not stealing

4. Brahmacharya- merging with the One

5. Aparigaha- not grasping

The Niyamas on the other hand are the codes to live Soulfully. In includes:

1. Shaucha-purity

2. Santosha-Contentment

3. Tapas-Burning Enthusiasm

4. Swadhyaya-Self-study

5.Ishvarapranidhana- Celebration of the Spiritual

I am not yet done reading the precepts but one thing I know, I am bent to do a lot of growing up to do. After all, gold is always tested by/through fire.

The boredom that I have at the moment is not a mistake at all. I just need to find that spark once more to live the way  I should. Everything in life is perfected through practice. I am beginning to practice now.

Om shanti, shanti.

Daily Examen 2

My body's very heavy now.I am retaining a lot of water.Got a message from a friend before.She wanted to regain the lost friendship. I had to tell her what I truly felt.After a while, I was able to honestly articulate why I decided to back off. I wished her and the other the best. When the friendship is meant to be, the universe aligns the energies again.

I had my hype when i got a prompt from my mobile company that I was redirected because I wasnt able to pay the month's bill.I was beginning to yell at the woman on the other line. Why on earth will I be redirected.I paid earlier than the deadline.I was so pissed off that I cut the conversation. I tried calling to get more mad but no one answered.I know God doesnt want me to be destructive. I did feel being treated unfairly. I wish I had the patience to wait till I get to the bottom of things with this company.I wish I were not angry that time.

I am glad to converse with an old friend and a student.I am glad to be with my students. I felt bad for Glala though.I knew I made her feel uncomfortable this morning. My mood swings are beginning to be evident. I need to hang on. May God strengthen me more this time of the month.

My mentor communicated with me about the upcoming conference.I told her I was so demotivated to write.I knew I shouldn't have said that but that's just the truth. How in the world will i be able to join the conference with my state like this?How will I be able to defend this semester and graduate eventually? I need HIS inspiration and wisdom. I need to focus more too.

Despite the highs and lows of my emotions today. I am very much grateful for today. A student told me she missed me and will start to study again tomorrow.There is another potential student recommended. I am still able to laugh and eat. I am still able to watch good shows. I am still able to do my chores.I am still able to sing good melodies. I am still able to fight the good fight of being good.I am very blessed!

The day is about to end. I have one more student before I'll go to bed. This heart is glad for today. My worries and troubles are many but My GOD is BIGGER and my blessings are MORE!

Namaste !

On a thursday morning

I woke up with a clogged nose and a heavy head.My body is very susceptible to all the major illnesses all around this month.Because of this, I tend to linger in bed or get myself lazy.My mind at this juncture is incapable of thinking wholly about good thoughts. There is always that feeling of low self esteem, insecurity, jealousy, annoyance, withdrawal and what have you.They, of course, come in episodes. I dislike it but there is nothing I can do but deal with these stuff. I am fully aware of my vulnerability.I knew from the start this will come.


I want to make a change in the way i deal with my life. It's not that mine is a bad one at present.It's just that I want to find more space for my writing.It's not a piece of cake trying to shift gear though because there are things to be considered.I fend for myself and I help my family too. The idea of having a break from my workload and just  go on a secluded place and write and meditate haunts me. I try pushing them away from my mind because i dont want to be enveloped by this desire. I need to be practical this time.


Living alone has its ups and downs. Generally, I love the fact that I have become very independent. What with me cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, paying bills and all.There is always that sense of joy knowing I am able to take care of myself. I have been doing this for the last 6 or so years. My dad praised me even for my  being strong willed.


The donwside of being left on my own is not many but when it is time to whine it becomes infinite.At this juncture, I am needing someone to hug me, to cook for me and to comfort me.It's funny knowing I am pushing away those that want to marry me. I dont know what crap  is in my brain  until now that i   am not yet able to accept any man for me to settle down with.I just feel perhaps I am way complete without them by my side. I know there will be raised eyebrows for this argument.


Yes, I am whiny now.Because I am still a bit physically fallible.Today is the Thursday and I dont really know what to to do with my writing.I need to declog.I guess the mat would help me out.A few om's will eventually make the universe bless me with good health and wisdom.


I have written a lot.Now, i need some grub.I am hoping I will write something lighter later.It is not cool to be sick but hey, it's gonna be alright soon.


Namaste!