Wednesday, July 13, 2011

On a thursday morning

I woke up with a clogged nose and a heavy head.My body is very susceptible to all the major illnesses all around this month.Because of this, I tend to linger in bed or get myself lazy.My mind at this juncture is incapable of thinking wholly about good thoughts. There is always that feeling of low self esteem, insecurity, jealousy, annoyance, withdrawal and what have you.They, of course, come in episodes. I dislike it but there is nothing I can do but deal with these stuff. I am fully aware of my vulnerability.I knew from the start this will come.

I want to make a change in the way i deal with my life. It's not that mine is a bad one at present.It's just that I want to find more space for my writing.It's not a piece of cake trying to shift gear though because there are things to be considered.I fend for myself and I help my family too. The idea of having a break from my workload and just  go on a secluded place and write and meditate haunts me. I try pushing them away from my mind because i dont want to be enveloped by this desire. I need to be practical this time.

Living alone has its ups and downs. Generally, I love the fact that I have become very independent. What with me cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, paying bills and all.There is always that sense of joy knowing I am able to take care of myself. I have been doing this for the last 6 or so years. My dad praised me even for my  being strong willed.

The donwside of being left on my own is not many but when it is time to whine it becomes infinite.At this juncture, I am needing someone to hug me, to cook for me and to comfort me.It's funny knowing I am pushing away those that want to marry me. I dont know what crap  is in my brain  until now that i   am not yet able to accept any man for me to settle down with.I just feel perhaps I am way complete without them by my side. I know there will be raised eyebrows for this argument.

Yes, I am whiny now.Because I am still a bit physically fallible.Today is the Thursday and I dont really know what to to do with my writing.I need to declog.I guess the mat would help me out.A few om's will eventually make the universe bless me with good health and wisdom.

I have written a lot.Now, i need some grub.I am hoping I will write something lighter later.It is not cool to be sick but hey, it's gonna be alright soon.


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