Month ender write up

The moon is now waning but I am still tired. I had a a good practice at the shala last Saturday, though but my emotions up till now are still high and low. I am hit at times with sadness since I am way too far too even visit my sick father and attend to my family's ordeal. Calls are regular though but seeing and knowing how limited time there is for my father make me anxious to go home. I am hoping October arrives soon so I can visit during the break.

I had a confrontation with my landlady for the first time last Saturday. I felt I needed to say my piece since I had been experiencing inconveniences while  their house repair is going on. I was way too assertive that I ended up getting hyped up. A stone massage helped me eased my stress.

My mind, so you know, is confused. Thoughts come and go. I do entertain them at times but mostly I just keep myself busy with stuff. My heart is restless knowing it wants to find its way back home within. It is at this moment that breathing is very necessary.

I am counting my life at the University. I am counting months before I can rest from the hellish traffic. 

Where to after? Om shanti, shanti

Surrender, Let go, Bend and Live Life

It is still retrograding and certainly I am also still going slow and unsteady at times. There are still gaps in communication between and among the people I care about. The thought of making decisions concerning jobs online are still hazy. The episode continues...

Earlier today, I practiced with Sasheen at Joji's place. I was thinking at first I was that tired that I might not even finish the primary series. Lo and behold, with the warmth of the place and the sweat that's flooding my body, I was able to complete my full primary until yoganidrasana. I felt stronger and more flexible. I sensed a deeper grasp of the difficult poses because my breathing was steadier and more stable. 

It was amazing how I could do the drop back more than three times. What was more surprising was I was able to reach almost my ankles all by myself. Of course, I fell on my fourth attempt. I was really grateful. My yogi friends encouraged me to do it again. With Joji's assistance I did it for the last time. It was one of the most surprising feat of my being an ashtangi.

I have so much in store in my heart. I also have my worries about my family. I have my concerns about my job, my life partner, my plans and all but I guess despite all these human struggles, I know how to surrender. I know How to bend and to let go. I believe yoga has taught me that things happen but I need to live life because there is still so much beauty out there.

I am grateful for today. I am thankful that I was given the chance to let go and embrace what is in the NOW. 

I wish you well dear friends. 

Namaste.

6 days with Teacher Mo

Photo grabbed from https://www.facebook.com/groups/1380430552272324/

                         
Life has been colorful for me this May. Aside from my everyday home practice, I subscribed for a 6-day mysore class with Teacher Mo at Beyond Yoga Libis. It was a great practice with him aside from the fact that the heat actually became my ally as it literally detoxified me.

I felt like a newbie in the shala though I had spent few days having self-practice there. It seemed a bit strange that I was practicing with mostly new set of ashtangis under the tutelage of a new teacher, at least for me. I was grateful that as the days went by, I was feeling more at home with my new space and fellow practitioners.

Generally, my 6 days with the teacher has been fruitful. I love how he made his adjustments on the poses. His presence was very commanding but gentle. One thing I noticed though was his being traditional in his approach. He would instill in us really the right way to do the pose and he would tend to get cute and funny when he reprimands those that defied traditions. I was honestly a bit scared doing other poses in the intermediate series as I was thinking he might give me such a hard time repeating them. Anyway, he was actually nice to me. I loved it when he respected my plea to be gentle doing the deep  backbends because of my scoliosis.

Of course, bakasana was a bit heavy for me as I was being disoriented as to how to do it. I guess that was where I stopped my practice with him. 

Today, I told him it was my last day. I thanked and hugged him because I was/am really very grateful. His energy was contagious and I would certainly miss his big voice while checking on us. 

The six days were really significant because I had the chance to meet other practitioners and shared the energies with them. I would surely miss taking the jeepney going to the shala but I have to move on and bring with me the things I learned from teacher Mo in my daily practice,

Someday, I will have more teachers to practice with but in my heart, I am very grateful that another good teacher has come into my life. Thanks Teacher Mo.

Namaste!

I did it!

The women, with James, outside the shala poses after our last practice with teacher Arne

One of the greatest gifts I got within my birthday month was the opportunity to practice regularly at the shala with teacher Arne. What seemed to be one impossibility just actually culminated today. Yes! I practiced ashtanga everyday (with rest days of course) for 3 weeks and I have been so blessed.

Everything went well. Even when there were discomforts at times specially with my lower back, I felt generally stronger and more fluid compared to my previous practices. As I dealt with my body everytime, I discovered that breathing well mattered so much. I have also relearned to be more gentle to myself and by doing so, the teacher resonated  to the way I cared about my body.

I loved how the guru adjusted me. I appreciated how much he also had grown in his approach to us, his students. He didn't impose things to me. He allowed me to grab my ankles when I was deemed ready. He pointed things that could make my asanas better but at the end of the day, it was always me that would teach my body to do the poses.

My constant coming to the shala also expanded my circles. I have gained friendships without my noticing it. The energy from the practioners was contagious. Even if we came from different walks of life, there was yoga that made us one. 

I am grateful for after practice conversation over lunch. Even a simple chat right at the changing room is beautiful. I love the yogic smiles of men and women who share the same passion with me. I am sure I will be missing the routine. 

Since yoga is also all about non-attachment, I' m letting go naturally any feeling of longing or the desire to be with the same journey. I need to move on and continue with my practice. I am certain at some point, we will meet again physically. Right now, I am just very happy and grateful I practiced. 

There will be more to come. 

Om shanti, shanti, shanti.

With my Teacher Arne

Lunch with the ashtangis with the teachers, Arne and James

Panic attack? :(

The yogic in me has been challenged for the past week. The body manifested signs of weakness as it was exposed to a lot of free radicals, particularly, smoke and body sprays of all kinds. It was surprising because after a very long time, I got to stay at the University infirmary because of a migraine attack. It was so bad that while having my class, I thought, I would eventually collapse. I was chilling big time while resting for a few minutes. I knew I was not alright.

Practice was kind of dragging and painful at the back. I had to skip drop backs for I felt that my middle spine was in pain. It was very emotiona. I just wanted to cry. Things happened and they kept happening at home and at work. Then I got panicky even when I was trying to breathe and relax. 

This is where I am at until now. My stomach releases a lot of gas. I am bloated too.

..but you know what?  I am still grateful because I am aware of all these. I know these  come to pass. My body will go back to its natural, relaxed and beautiful state. Everything will certainly be ok again. Inshallah.

In the meantime, I wish everyone, A happy weekend.

Here's something about panic attack for you. Click here.

Signs and symptoms of a panic attack. Click the link for more.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/panic_disorder_anxiety_attack_symptom_treatment.htm

Panic attacks often strike when you’re away from home, but they can happen anywhere and at any time. You may have one while you’re in a store shopping, walking down the street, driving in your car, or sitting on the couch at home.

The signs and symptoms of a panic attack develop abruptly and usually reach their peak within 10 minutes. Most panic attacks end within 20 to 30 minutes, and they rarely last more than an hour.

A full-blown panic attack includes a combination of the following signs and symptoms:

Shortness of breath or hyperventilation Heart palpitations or a racing heart Chest pain or discomfort Trembling or shaking Choking feeling Feeling unreal or detached from your surroundings

Sweating Nausea or upset stomach Feeling dizzy, light-headed, or faint Numbness or tingling sensations Hot or cold flashes Fear of dying, losing control, or going crazy

On a thursday morning

I woke up with a clogged nose and a heavy head.My body is very susceptible to all the major illnesses all around this month.Because of this, I tend to linger in bed or get myself lazy.My mind at this juncture is incapable of thinking wholly about good thoughts. There is always that feeling of low self esteem, insecurity, jealousy, annoyance, withdrawal and what have you.They, of course, come in episodes. I dislike it but there is nothing I can do but deal with these stuff. I am fully aware of my vulnerability.I knew from the start this will come.


I want to make a change in the way i deal with my life. It's not that mine is a bad one at present.It's just that I want to find more space for my writing.It's not a piece of cake trying to shift gear though because there are things to be considered.I fend for myself and I help my family too. The idea of having a break from my workload and just  go on a secluded place and write and meditate haunts me. I try pushing them away from my mind because i dont want to be enveloped by this desire. I need to be practical this time.


Living alone has its ups and downs. Generally, I love the fact that I have become very independent. What with me cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, paying bills and all.There is always that sense of joy knowing I am able to take care of myself. I have been doing this for the last 6 or so years. My dad praised me even for my  being strong willed.


The donwside of being left on my own is not many but when it is time to whine it becomes infinite.At this juncture, I am needing someone to hug me, to cook for me and to comfort me.It's funny knowing I am pushing away those that want to marry me. I dont know what crap  is in my brain  until now that i   am not yet able to accept any man for me to settle down with.I just feel perhaps I am way complete without them by my side. I know there will be raised eyebrows for this argument.


Yes, I am whiny now.Because I am still a bit physically fallible.Today is the Thursday and I dont really know what to to do with my writing.I need to declog.I guess the mat would help me out.A few om's will eventually make the universe bless me with good health and wisdom.


I have written a lot.Now, i need some grub.I am hoping I will write something lighter later.It is not cool to be sick but hey, it's gonna be alright soon.


Namaste!

Weeklong highlights 3

I was sharing in my previous blog that that it has been profusely raining in Manila and in other parts of the Philippines.Typhoon Falcon has devastated our country.We were constantly praying though that it wont be as damaging as Ondoy.Memories of a tragic storm were haunting me really.My friend Amy had to brave the floody streets just to go to work.Luckily my place wasnt that affected so she came and changed for work.It was a brave decision for her to still go. :)

Abelle, my yoga mate texted me earlier yesterday morning asking me if there would be a class.It was still raining hard and i really didnt feel like going out.I texted Jon for confirmation. He said there's class so  I decided then to attend.There was just some positive energy in me that's left. I arrived earlier at the place because I was nearing my biggest ordeal my low mood seemed to enslave me.I didnt want to go up.I just wanted to shy away.Tsk.tsk.Fortunately my will to practice was much stronger than my hormonal imbalance.So I went up and talked to another yogin who had just finished her mysore.

It was nice to converse with her.Jon went out of the shala and he told me i might be alone today.That was a joke actually.I was amused at the thought that I might really be alone practicing with him, Thankfully Angel and Jiah arrived.Then there was also another woman.We were four women practicing with Jon.

The practice was great again.I had less difficulty doing my my binds.I felt that my body was way too flexible.I was feeling alrigh despite my huge sweating.In the middle of the asanas, I had labored breathing.Ahhh, I was tired. I fought with my body's hormonal imbalance. I won but while doing savasana, I was coughing.I felt weak.I just breathed and I was relaxed again.

We went out together with Jon because Yoga Manila Ortigas had a send off lunch for him.He was so playful while we were on our way.I was very glad when he's like that. Laughters were all around us.Jiah and Angel had a great time too, I knew it.As for  me, It wasnt my first time.I had always great conversations with him.

We arrived at Kebab's Factory, an Indian vegetarian resto.The other yoginis were already there.It was nice seeing the other teachers.Conversation with great women was HEAVEN for me.Of course, there were a few whom i still felt uncomfortable with.I guess it's normal.Lunch was all vegetarian variety.The little serving of everything made me so full.Jon was very happy obviously. I held his hand and just paid attention to him.Things will change BIG TIME when I will no longer have a glimpse of him at the shala.I guess every yogin that day had stories to tell about Jon.AS for me....He is a special teacher and I know he knows that.

We bought Jon's send off gift at GAP then Angel had to go for she's Thailand bound that night.Jiah and I went to watch a movie after having coffee at Starbucks, Galeria. Forever and A day is a filipino film which starred Kc Concepcion and sam Milby. I must say, they did justice to their roles.

It was a great friendship.I am blessed again.

I went home and felt that my head's gonna burt with pain.I felt so heavy and sleepy at the same time.I taught Carrie but had to reschedule ricky's class.I needed to be in bed.I watched Pilipinas Got Talent Grand finals.I was a bit relaxed watching the awesome perfomances.Still, my body's beginning to get tired.

When I woke up today, I had stiff neck.My whole body's stiff too.I am sporting a cold again.I had to cancel my classes.I had a simple breakfast then stayed in bed.I didnt feel like going out.I didnt hear mass obviously.

I tried to do some chores to stretch my muscles.Then a thought about my old laptop came. I turned it on...and it worked.WHEW! I was planning to buy a new monitor for it but there's no need. I am thinking of giving it to my family when they will come visit me soon.EXCITED!

Right now, I am listening to some great songs on my CD.I still feel tired.My period will be coming soon.My body is telling me it needs rest and attention.So i will hear it out.

Ill try writing my third story today.I only have few months left. There will be no photos today in my blog.
Have a great Sunday readers.Rest well too.

Namaste! 

Sweet Practice Today

I have been nursing a painful stomach for two days now.I didnt know how it all started again but my usual hyperacidity has been taking its toll on me.I was practically tired but I had no  choice but move.I made a vow not to get paralyzed by whatever negativity there is around and within me.My bedtime prayer last night was a whine telling my MAKER i was tired and i was asking him to tell me what to do about my condition.


I woke up feeling nauseated still and had to cancel two of my classes.I just went doing some chores after eating papaya. A hot energy choco malt drink helped ease my fatigue.My mat was calling me so after cleaning my space,i did my practice at the first floor.I was surprised to know i was able to complete the entire series despite my condition.I was sweating the whole time.My space was entirely hot.My breathing at first was labored.Obviously within me, I was not alright.The whole practice ended with me doing my savasana and just hugging my knees after.I could only say Thank You Lord after that.


I was all the more surprised to see that i was sweating BIG TIME.My shirt was all wet and I looked like I was swimming for hours.A great shower followed.What happeened after that was classic. I was up and about.TRUE!


Toxins were released and I was grateful for that.I just relearned something today.


Someone has been guarding me all throughout.He knows what He is about.He led me to practice today.I didnt even know i could make it.

Here's another favorite prayer of mine.Today I'd like to tell HIM this.

LORD, you know all things.You do all things and You love me very much. Thank you.

OM.