Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Daily Examen 3-4

Noteworthy of my adventures since yesterday is my ability to snap easily. I know I have generally a great deal of patience.It would take me a while before I lose my cool. I am a patient teacher but because I am not quite the sane woman today, there are few instances in my dealings with my lovely kids that I tend to get annoyed.I am not comfortable being like this but I need to forgive myself more. My hormones are very disharmonized already.

I have been exchanging messages to the person whom I considered a good friend many months ago. I realized that I am really angry at what she and the other woman did. I thought I was alright backing off but telling them what I truly feel is a different story. I just have to stop communicating.Saying my piece allowed me to be  doomed to judgment.I am just happy I sent my message across even if it was interpreted the other way around.

I reflected on my friendships.There is always that cycle of letting go's.I couldnt handle injustice.I dont want to spoil people.I know I am very different from the rest.I feel at times that people get to abuse my kindness to the point of not anymore thinking about what I would feel. I guess I need to pause.Real friendships don't make one stay at the losing end.I still believe in equality.

I still am not talking nor calling home. I feel im still trapped at the kind of family that I have. I need clarity of thoughts. Right now, I am just feeling that they just need me financially.I am really tired of giving. I want at this point to also receive something even just a little.I am very sorry to my God for feeling this way. I know there is no stopping generosity.I need HIM to touch my heart and make me a genuinely generous person towards my very own family.

I still need healing now. As my monthly guest approaches, I am getting more monstrous in a way. I want to do yoga practice but my body says NO. I can only afford few breathing and meditation.I am where my body is right now. I am doing my daily thing but I really just want to sleep.


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