Today

The practice today was emotional, tiring, dragging, heavy and above all painful in all aspects. At this juncture, moreover, I cry copious tears. My heart is just so heavy. I cant pinpoint the cause of my disposition but i don't really need to. This is my state now and I need to embrace it. 

Om for strength, joy and wisdom.

Full moon reflections

The moon outside my window last night:)

While the moon is keeping me company, I am having several thoughts circling around my brain. I honestly feel like going back to the university is not anymore a good idea for me. There is that terrible sense of longing to move away from Theology and go back to teach English. I guess I already have gotten the taste of being a Theologian. Anyway, let's see. :)

I have this strong urge to travel to Korea. Like it has been a while since i keep seeing myself visiting this place. I am sending this intention to the Universe. I know soon, i will be there.

I also want to undergo a teacher training for yoga. It is beginning to haunt me. This only means that I need to practice, practice and practice till all will come. :)

Oh moon bless my intentions :)

Om shanti!

~On Boredom & Interest, by Jiddu-Krishnamurti~

 Because boredom creeps in and really, I am beginning to feel and think I'm  going insane..well, humanity bites. :)  Read please..


 

"If you are bored, why are you bored? What is the thing called boredom? Why is it that you are not interested in anything? There must be reasons and causes which have made you dull: suffering, escapes, beliefs, incessant activity, have made the mind dull, the heart unpliable.

If you could find out why you are bored, why there is no interest, then surely you would solve the problem, wouldn't you? Then the awakened interest will function.

If you are not interested in why you are bored, you cannot force yourself to be interested in an activity, merely to be doing something - like a squirrel going round in a cage. I know that this is the kind of activity most of us indulge in.

But we can find out inwardly, psychologically, why we are in this state of utter boredom; we can see why most of us are in this state: we have exhausted ourselves emotionally and mentally; we have tried so many things, so many sensations, so many amusements, so many experiments, that we have become dull, weary.

We join one group, do everything wanted of us and then leave it; we then go to something else and try that. If we fail with one psychologist, we go to somebody else or to the priest; if we fail there, we go to another teacher, and so on; we always keep going. This process of constantly stretching and letting go is exhausting, isn't it? Like all sensations, it soon dulls the mind."

"We have done that, we have gone from sensation to sensation, from excitement to excitement, till we come to a point when we are really exhausted. Now, realizing that, don't proceed any further; take a rest. Be quiet. Let the mind gather strength by itself; don't force it.

As the soil renews itself during the winter time, so, when the mind is allowed to be quiet, it renews itself. But it is very difficult to allow the mind to be quiet, to let it lie fallow after all this, for the mind wants to be doing something all the time. When you come to that point where you are really allowing yourself to be as you are - bored, ugly, hideous, or whatever it is - then there is a possibility of dealing with it."

"What happens when you accept something, when you accept what you are? When you accept that you are what you are, where is the problem? There is a problem only when we do not accept a thing as it is and wish to transform it - which does not mean that I am advocating contentment; on the contrary.

If we accept what we are, then we see that the thing which we dreaded, the thing which we called boredom, the thing which we called despair, the thing which we called fear, has undergone a complete change. There is a complete transformation of the thing of which we were afraid.

That is why it is important, as I said, to understand the process, the ways of our own thinking. Self-knowledge cannot be gathered through anybody, through any book, through any confession, psychology, or psychoanalyst.

It has to be found by yourself, because it is your life; without the widening and deepening of that knowledge of the self, do what you will, alter any outward or inward circumstances, influences - it will ever be a breeding ground of despair, pain, sorrow.

To go beyond the self-enclosing activities of the mind, you must understand them; and to understand them is to be aware of action in relationship, relationship to things, to people and to ideas.

In that relationship, which is the mirror, we begin to see ourselves, without any justification or condemnation; and from that wider and deeper knowledge oF the ways of our own mind, it is possible to proceed further; it is possible for the mind to be quiet, to receive that which is real."

~Jiddu-Krishnamurti
The First and Last Freedom

Shared by Rob Zen
Tao & Zen Community Forum

Thanks Mama

                                 

This Mother's day, let me honor once again a woman who has been there for us and with us no matter what the circumstances are. She has never wavered  in supporting us in her very own special way. Despite all the hurts that we cause her, she's withstood them all and her strength is beyond compare. She may not be that gentle in dealing with us but she is that. She demonstrates her love for us in the way that she knows best. WE may question her, fight with her, agree with her and be indifferent with her but she in the end is very willing to accept and forgive us.

Thank you Mama. I know I will not be a mother like you so I will never understand the wisdom of the way you deal with the family. I admire you so much and I'm sorry for hurting you.

I love you mama. Take care always.

Yoga today

There is always something about yoga that sweeps me off my feet. After my struggle of boredom, aimlessness and resignation for few days, today's practice was just so intense that I could not anymore decipher how I survived the rest of the poses in the second series. (Oh, thank you teacher Jon for giving me those three pretzel-like asanas) The breathing, the sweat and the energy of the women and my teacher inside the shala were enough reasons for me to be grateful.

Yoga saved me again from wallowing in my own self-emptying. It allowed me to go back to my very core...my beautiful self. It gave me the strength once more to live even just today in peace. It allowed me to clearly see the most important things in life. I am grateful to all the teachers for this gift.

Being with my like minds also inspired me to be happy again. I am very thankful for today.

Namaste everyone!

Find time to appreciate the little joys in life today.

Suffering

photo taken from https://www.facebook.com/TheMindUnleashed/photos/a.434569209933563.103142.432632306793920/716543028402845/?type=1&theater

                               
Yes and there is no blaming others for everything that one gets to experience in life. Our choices determine the kind of life we are living so there is no point aiming at someone for whatever it is that we are suffering.                                 

My summer is a mixture of all that life has to offer. The heat is excruciatingly taking its toll on me. I am easily irritated and tired. My body is just not friendly with the humidity of the season. It is a roller coaster ride of emotions, something I can call unpredictable. Oh, well, I guess it's also part of my being a female specie, huh!

I feel so unproductive as I am really idle most of the time. I want to go out often but there are factors that hinder me. Financially wise, I need to be cautious. I am specifically bored with the way my life is leading me. I want  to be active because aside from being laidback, I am really energetic.

Since I am alone most often I turn to books and some good shows on TV. I practice some poses too but something is just telling me I still can do something more.

As I am writing this, It just dawned on me what Osho has emphatically said above. It is not really about where I am or who I am with. My discomfort and convenience depend on me alone.

I need to breathe now. Everything is gonna be alright. I have to make it work today. Ohh, how about some handstands on the wall for strength? :)

Whatever state we  are in, let's just get the most out of it. Peace everyone. All is well in the end.

Namaste!

My Jesuits (late post)

 
Finally, they're officially Jesuit priests. This heart is happy and grateful. After more than ten years of friendship, prayer and love they made it with the other 6.

It was a very moving thing for my friend, jun ( fathet Neo SJ now) and also Father Eric  to bless us. It was so heartfelt.

Now, i have more people to pray for. My jesuits are now on tour of duty. Ad majorem de gloriam!

With Father Neo (Jun) and Mark before the ordination started

Father Eric, SJ in the house :)

                           

On relationships

There are things in life that aren't easy to handle. Relationships are one of them. Because we are relational beings, we can't help but but be affected with all that transpire between and among those surrounding our circles. Any glimpse of joy and sorrow, hope and despair, conflict and peace are always consciously and unconsciously shared with the rest of humanity, far and near.

I have my equal share of these seemingly difficult to handle things. I am talking about my family. It is very hard not to get affected. At the same time, it is so dramatically suffocating to get attuned to what each member is going through. Still, amidst all these conflicted paradigms, I come across a very sublime way of dealing with anything like this. I have to be centered. I don't have to forget that life only gives us something that we can handle. We just need to be steady for any hint of panic will surely devastate the natural course of things.

A friend confided to me today about her ordeal concerning her relationship with a boyfriend. I see that she's undergoing a vicious cycle of "what to do about this relationship?" syndrome. AS Yogins, that's what we call ourselves, I help her acknowledge that there is always this thing called "letting go." There are just things in life that don't matter in the end. Even people.

Any relationship has to be a good one. Something that allows the participant to grow, to breathe, to be. If there is any form of oppression, I guess it's time to change gear.

Life offers us choices. At the end of the day, I guess we have to make sure that we are doing justice to ourselves because it is only by doing so that we can be of great relationship with others.

Namaste!